2020 Diary: May 21 to May 28

5/21/20: Prayers, Bible, shower, turns at 7 AM. Called S[ocial] S[ecurity], and in the upshot figured out that although the account was frozen, I could go ahead past “Exit” and fill stuff out. Worked on that until 9:30 AM, when I stopped. I do not have good records or access to records to accurately fill in information they are requesting. I must rely “to the best of my knowledge” for so much. Having a TIA attack my brain hasn’t helped my memory. Had breakfast. Fiddled around then napped till 12:20 PM, when I had a sandwich for lunch. Now 1:20 PM. Now that I have to mess with the Gummint and paperwork I find my instances of thoughts of s**c*de are going up, from 0 for four years to 1 every hour. 

At 2 PM or so Kameron called me to help him work on his project of puzzle pieces, which he had entirely misunderstood and now needs to rework before the 27^th. I became so frustrated at his teacher’s vague instructions and his reluctance to ask for clarification I again felt I was going to have a stroke. Will I last until June 7^th? Do I care if I do anymore? Grassed the dogs, made supper (chili, rotini, corn on the cob), had a bowl of chili, then wasted half-an-hour tracking down a “wasp” in Kameron’s room that turned out to be a buzzing fly. With all this distraction I forgot about the Chesterton show on at 4:30 PM, and now must wait until 1:30 AM to see it. Set my clock. Went out at 6 PM for 3 turns. Rosary.

 

My leg muscles are getting to feel very tight and sore; whether this is progress or damage is a mysterious and moot point. I went in at 8 PM to clean up and had another bowl of chili and the last of the broccoli salad. Came back in without seeing Susan at all or telling her of my progress. Reading more The Innocents Abroad, which I forgot to mention and now shall call IA. Still no notes from John about the story. Almost 10 PM and I’m trying to calm myself down to sleep, but anxiety is just twanging my strings. I hate dealing with the Gummint; it seems so futile and makes me feel judged. Why can’t I ‘draw peacefully to the end of my life’? 

 

5/22/2020: Up at 1:25 AM and watched “The Golden Key: Part One” of Chesterton Station.  Then lay down and had a bunch of unrecalled dreams and got up at 6:55 AM. Dressed and went for 3 turns, during which I said my morning prayers and an act of contrition. Came in, finished prayers and Bible, then back to SS, which I finished about 8:10 AM. Felt somewhat relieved: the die is cast. Now if I get Kam’s homework finished, I can rest(?) without too much tension.

Had a few restful hours, then about noon Andy brought me the leftover broccoli and rice. I didn’t particularly want the starch, but I couldn’t waste it. About 12:30 PM went in and finished off the chicken salad, giving Kam a folded sandwich of it, and he told me he has to draw his “puzzle piece” himself, so I’m more or less off the hook. About 2 PM I started preparing the fried potatoes, when suddenly an e-mail popped up from SS asking me for some more documents. At almost the same time John called, so we talked a bit about things and AFYHM [A Friend You Haven’t Met]. Cooked taters and fish until almost exactly 4:30 PM and raced back to watch Chesterton Station part 2 and eat my fish. Rosary. Nap. Up at 7 PM for 3 turns. Throughout the day I watched House and read IA and worked on B[ook] I[nventory]. Going in soon to clean up. Must limit my consumption of potatoes.

Cleaned up, returned to my house, and soon after Kam came in to work. After a session guiding him that was like pulling teeth, we finally got it done. Now he only needs to color it (I’m not involved there, thank God). It’s now 9 PM.

 

5/23/2020: Woke up about 5:30 AM, with thoughts about how love ‘subdues the earth’, making pets more than animals, homes more than buildings, vocations more than jobs, and mates more than partners. Got dressed, prayers, Bible, read. At 7 AM did my turns, then came in, made a ramen, and took my medicine at 8 AM. Posted on POB [Power of Babel], all 98 pictures in my Newish File. Worked on BI. Took a sleep test and found out I was (what else?) a Bear, out of a possible Wolf, Bear, Dolphin, or Lion. Now almost 10 AM. Oh, how I wish I had one more quarter so I could play the lottery!

Went in at noon to get leftover chili and rotinis, a banana, and S&A came home just in time to give me the boiled eggs. The rest of the day finished The Innocents Abroad and jittered around doing almost nothing. 3 turns. Rosary. Andy mowing all day. St. James mass: they’re starting to cautiously open a bit this Sunday. Susan got pizza. Watched a smidgeon of Gargoyles on Svengoolie and caught up episodes of Duck Tales in their marathon. It’s now midnight.

 

5/24/2020: Up about 6:30 AM, prayers and Bible, then Mass on EWTN. At 8 AM did my 3 turns, and Rosary.  Pootled around a bit, then napped till noon, when I went in to get a ramen and an egg. More pootling, and now it’s past 3 PM. What I mean by pootling is trying to read, trying to watch some TV or YT, and never really settling down to anything with any satisfaction or absorption. Added fantasy art books to the BI.

About 5 PM Andy comes in and tells me that the chicken they bought last week (which I completely missed) was one day over the expiration date. I hurried in, determined it was still good, and began to make soup. They left for New Braunfels. Kelsey called me and we talked for about 40 minutes. She seems to be doing fine. I finished making the soup and took in a little potful for supper. A bit before 8 PM I did 3 turns; the day looks very windy and cloudy now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it rained later. Been reading Life on the Mississippi [Kindle]. New Rick &Morty at 10:30 PM. It started to rain at midnight.

 

5/25/2020: Memorial Day. Up at 7 AM, after a bunch of dreams and a rainy night. Tried to go for my turns but it rained a bit, so I did a few little chores, then went at 7:30 AM and walked. Came in, transcribed a couple of dreams, Perry Mason. Contemplating moving the bins to check what’s where; a fraught chore.

But I did it, working until a little past noon, listening to GGACP [Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast]. Swept up around the bins, dusted them, and made a notation of where each bin is located and what it contains, so I needn’t be forgetfully curious. For instance, I’m now sure there are no more books in the bins. Land sakes, I’ve gotten rid of quite a few. Early on, when I started my wash at 9 AM, Andy gave me 4 bananas (breakfast). After 12, I got some chicken soup and a couple of slices of bread. Pootled much of the afternoon and went in at 2 PM to make salad, but Susan said that could wait until tomorrow. It looks like they’re sending out for supper; not quite sure if I’m included. Took my 3 turns early at 4:15 PM. The neighbor is mowing, and after the rain it made it smell like a river-bottom or an old camping trip.

Did more BI, getting to the end of a shelf, and at 7:30 went in for a ramen and a couple of rotten old sausage patties. They actually cooked up well together, with enough salt and pepper. The family had Whataburger. Reading LOTM [Life on the Mississippi]. Rosary at 10:30 PM. Grumbles of thunder and some rain. Turned on AC after having the windows open all day; should help sleep.

 

5/26/2020: Letter to John: I wore out a cane-tip on my morning revolutions; fortunately, I had one spare still in the wings. To my vast surprise I am continuing my walks, through rain and wind and weather, three turns, twice a day, in morning and evening. Perhaps I am hoping for some kind of attack to bear me away, but I fear I am only prolonging the struggle. I am working to cut my starches, completely in most cases, by half for now in others, and when I am done with this case of ramen, Susan shall buy no more. I find it disgustingly easy to cut out all soda, candy, and other sweets, because I have no money.

I am thinking about preparing a cake for June 7, however. Why that date, you ask? Because according to my calculations, Yogi, that will be the day I reach Mom's exact age if I am spared so long. I have no idea why this is such an obsession with me, or why I think it needs to be marked. Probably just another way to make things all about me. Any time longer will seem to be an undeserved gift to my crookedly eccentric mind.

I continue with my Book Inventory and have put a new batch on Finder's Keep. Each short entry contains facts and personal memories attached to the books, so it's almost like a memoir. I have run into a little complication. I have that old, coverless copy of The Groucho Letters. The complication is a few months ago I got a new copy at the library store for $1, so now the old warhorse is superfluous. It has no resale value, and the logical, merciless thing to do would be tossing it into the recycle bin. But you know me, a sentimental old fluff. I was wondering if you could take it back, maybe for one last read, then toss it yourself. It would be the equivalent to sending the old dog to the farm and imagining it's leading a good life, while letting someone else do the dirty work.

I have continued my Mark Twain jag and am now reading Life on the Mississippi. I think he is better at travelogue than at most of his fiction.

My daily schedule: Turns, prayers, Bible, rosary, shower, boiled eggs and made chicken salad, made ramen with chicken soup, eggs, and bread (I know, I went way overboard), Book Inventory (finished the TV box shelves), made cucumber salad at 2 PM, more soup at lunch (mit verboten Brodt), made supper (fish patties and couscous), turns at 7 PM, then wrote John e-mail. Susan brought me the SS forms at lunch.

Spent much of the evening working on BI, and only stopped at 11:30 PM. I am now well in the zone. Set up the Sayers paperbacks in the right order for the morrow. Not feeling a bit sleepy but must let it go.

 

5/27/2020: At 2 AM looked and saw this from John: “I remember that Groucho book had some good laughs in it; I'd be glad to let it live out its days in my paperback archive. I'm glad you're keeping up with your walking and sticking to your dietary routine.  I was doing pretty good on my exercise schedule until Sunday when my right knee suddenly felt like it had lost its last drop of cartilage. I think it was a combination of the peddling and the rainstorms- those pressure changes really do play hell with the old hinges. It wasn't too bad today, so I will get back on the bike on Wednesday if I can and proceed with caution.  Amy told me you got another few bucks from Kris Jerome- congratulations! There are still sales being made! We'll get the cash to you. Have you ever gotten into Pinterest? I finally did the other day, and I must say I have burned up quite a few hours already looking through all its wonders- amazing amount of great stuff on just about any subject you can imagine.  The image harvesting of old toys, books, etc. would be a bonanza for you, I think. I watched about half of Ben's Sunday Special with Orson Scott Card the other day and found it interesting, have you checked that out yet? I need to finish it still, but I was a little surprised that it was as good as it was.  I agree largely about Twain's travel writing- he's at his sardonically observant best when merely laying out his adventures- no narrative machinations to detect- although he is wonderful in his fiction as well. I've been reading some pretty grim books about WWI, and somehow it cheers me up to see how truly f*cked some earlier generations were, and somehow good things were still possible in the Apocalyptic wake of true calamity. Lots of bad, too, of course, but also truly good stuff. And that gives me some hope.”

Up a few minutes before 7 AM, tumbled out sleepily for my turns. Air very fresh and cool and skies clear; I think those rumblings of thunder last night must have been a front rolling in. Said my prayers as I walked, then came in and read Bible. At 7:30 AM ready to start BI again.

And so the day rolled on, with working on the BI, worrying about SS, scraping together a lunch (Kam had bacon and eggs at 11 AM for his last day of school lunch ‘together’ – over the computer), and making sausage, cabbage, and taters for supper. Finished LOTM (except for the appendixes). Only turned on the AC at bedtime and heard plenty of thunder after 10 PM.

 

5/28/2020: Up about 6:30 AM with a weary groan, prayers and Bible, got dressed, cleaned kitchen, and went out for turns a little before 7 AM. Morning clear and cool with a sort of scrubbed feel. Ready to start BI again, with some John Gardner next. Joey’s 20^th Birthday today.

Worked on BI most of the day. Breakfast of ramen, eggs, and bread, Lunch of ramen and bread, Supper of chili, bread, and cucumber salad (with corn on the cob and rotini for S&A). Lots of striped lizards and “kamoleons” [as Uncle Monroe called them] (anoles) running around today. Cloudy again around 5 PM. The Book Inventory is becoming quite a dive into nostalgia as I handle volumes and recall experiences over the years. It’s getting compulsive. Finished top shelf of paperbacks under the left-hand side of the shelves supporting the computer. Rosary a little after 10 PM.

Notes

As one can tell I was feeling a lot of anxiety and thus a lot of self-pity at the time. Such dramatics. What with my SSI application, Kameron finishing high school, and covid going on, I might be forgiven some theatrics.

There are four whole seasons of Chesterton Station now, and though I have enjoyed the episodes I’ve been able to catch, and there are only six episodes per season, I’m sad to say I haven’t even caught half of what’s there. I blame EWTN’s irregular scheduling.

I’m kind of surprised to note that I began the Book Inventory on our family blog Finder's Keep first, before I created Niche of Time and continued it there. A fact that had been lost to me in the mists of time; just shows how useful a Diary is to an absent-minded fellow like me.

That illustration for The Innocents Abroad is from an old show on Masterpiece Theatre in 1982; I saw it on Showtime a few years later. Very characteristic in ambience and the peculiar historical style at the time, that is, the style in which they presented historical matter. You can compare the Peter Ustinov Death on the Nile (1978) with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bDmQFOjCcA

Innocents Abroad (1982)