May Haps: 2020 Diary

5/8/2020: Up about 12:30 AM from a dystopian dream of waiting in line for a quick check-up at a government installation. Rough people, cheap chairs, faulty protocols, and things just getting worse because everybody was smoking and jumping line. I felt I didn’t belong there and that every moment was putting me in more danger. Couldn’t sleep, so up and caught up diary. Read a little in Twain’s Letters [on Kindle], cut off AC, went to bed at 3 AM.

Up at 6 AM from dreams of cutting pizza crust, training a new cutter, and Joe Spross’s warily judgmental looks. It seems that junk will never clear my system or is it symbolic of something, maybe anxiety about things that need to get done? Prayers and Bible. 

The day passed as most Fridays do, with ramen, ramen, and fish and fried taters. In the evening helped Kam get through his homework that’s been piling up for two weeks. Rosary, and reading Mark Twain’s letters.

 

5/9/2020: Up about 7 AM, wrote down dream. Prayers and Bible. A cool start to the day, especially as I had left the window and door open at night. About 10 AM Andy brought in the weekend leftovers. I managed to finish off the broccoli salad as I watched a show about Carrie Fisher and made some ramen with the boiled eggs and sour cream, but I could not face the insipid chicken salad (with bread it might have been tolerable) so I shamefacedly flushed it down the toilet. Saw a half-hour “interview” with GKC on Facebook (which chimes in rather well with my book inventory endeavors). Ate the bananas. Reading more MT letters. About 3:30 PM I notice that Kaitlyn’s dogs are here, so they must be visiting. At 4 PM joined the St. James Mass on YT. Went through the evening with saying the Rosary, reading MT letters, checking TV, and never seeing Kaitlyn or Ryan.

 

5/10/2020: Up pretty early from a dream, “The Minstrel Boy”. Very Terry Pratchett, which is odd because I’ve hardly touched the books in months. At 7 AM I joined the EWTN televised Mass. Afterwards made breakfast of ramen, saw the great “Dr. Sinister” episode of The Flintstones, and read more Twain. I guessed within a minute of posting on Facebook the famous figure that both Chesterton and Lewis knew: Yeats. It’s now almost 2 PM, and I’m ready to make my last ramen for lunch. Rosary at 5 PM. Went in about 5:30 PM to make the boiled eggs and chicken salad for tomorrow, and they told me I had just missed KT&RT. I grunted noncommittally; I figure if they REALLY wanted to see me, they would have poked their heads in. Otherwise, I wouldn’t intrude on their Mother’s Day time. S&A gave me a check and a face mask for tomorrow; it’s not a very good mask (doesn’t cover the chin, looks rather thin). Only just better than nothing. At 7 PM went in and got some ramen for supper. Once more depressed by the decay of what I once enjoyed: The Simpsons, Star Trek, Star Wars, Woody Allen, Cracked (which I removed from my FB feed). On the other hand, I feel rather wild and free – “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” – not that I want to die, but there’s less I’d regret leaving. Even Blaylock and Powers are slowing down, Gaiman is growing insufferable (maybe some suffering – his split with Amanda Palmer – will help). New Rick and Morty tonight, which I can only say has jumped the shark, pushing subtle birth control propaganda and going out of its way to present feminism positively in the person of Summer. Which I do not mind (it has some good points – or does it? – well yes, relatively speaking) except that it kind of contradicts the general philosophy of nihilism of the show, kowtowing to a powerful sector of the viewing audience, burning a pinch of incense on its altar.

 

5/11/2020: Had a hard time getting to sleep last night, as my usual anxiety about seeing the doctor is multiplied by the COVID-19 fears. Got up about 6 AM, prayed, showered, prayed, got dressed, ran over what I might need today, and now it’s almost 7 AM. Prayed, read Bible. I’m thinking about going ahead and saying a rosary now.

Went out to porch and about 8 AM John pulls up. Get in and we’re off to the Clinic. Wait in car, fill out forms, go in, hand sanitizing all the way. Have a talk with Dan, and he sends me over to the hospital for bloodwork and urine samples. He gets me a good mask. John and I go over there and I go through all the protocols, and then we go to Walmart. He’s buying a little vacuum cleaner. But he also gets me: a toilet seat, tea, sweetener, Ritz crackers, and candy. We come home, and Andy has caught another raccoon. Make ramen for lunch and do my wash. Take a short nap. At 3 PM make cucumber salad, then grass dogs, then make supper. Rosary. Come in at 7:30 PM to clean up and get my supper, then Kam has me help with homework, then I make him supper, then I catch up diary. It’s a little after 9 PM and I’m ready for bed. Mark Twain Letters.

 

5/12/2020: Up at 7 AM. Prayed, got dressed, and Bible. Straightened up, wrote dream, looked round for something to watch. Kind of had half-an-eye on Perry Mason. Finish with the Ignatius Chesterton books in the Book Inventory [BI, from now on]. Then started listening to GGACP, which had Mario Cantone on as a guest, who is probably the only other person who remembers Ma Cass’s song “Different”. Made a jug of tea. Went in at 9 AM and made Kam some biscuits; they had popped open, so that was what was for breakfast. Made myself two folded PB&J, then a ramen with egg and Ritz crackers. Reading MT letters still. Went in at 1:30 PM, grassed dogs, then made ramen and bread. Wrote John an e-mail, thanking him, not talking about me a whole lot, and trying to be as upbeat as possible:

“Just wanted to take a bit of time to thank you again for everything you did for me yesterday.  Not only for getting my health chores taken care of, but also for the comforts supplied afterwards. I don't know how I would have taken this rainy day without a nice jug of tea - or rather I know only too well how it would be, and shudder at the thought. I hope you already have a start on your writing project. I don't think you need to do a lot of note-making at first; maybe start with a strong character doing something you find interesting or know something about. Maybe the guy finds a book he's been wanting to read in some ruins. You and I both know the joy of scavenging a good book. Then something happens. You can world-build as action builds and spreads. We also know the feelings of living in a post-world world. Hah! Make it "The Two Towers", then he'll be in the same boat as I was for a while there [when I was first reading The Lord of the Rings]. I imagine by the time before the disaster that physical books were getting fewer, and with the collapse of the network e-books are gone. To have a beastie attack him just as he finds it makes him mad. Write it as a short story first and see if the book will follow through the doorway. You can see that though I didn't say much at the time we talked about it, I have been thinking about it.

“Thank you again. Give the story a shot, a trial balloon as it were. You should be able to have a rough draft in 2 or 3 days. A first step, easily achievable, a little practice, as it were. I know you can do it, and I want to see it soon.”

The pharmacy called. They had filled that medicine from yesterday; I forgot to pick up that Good RX card they had promised. I’m not going to worry about it. I haven’t taken meds for 5 years; a few weeks won’t kill me, or I don’t really care if it does. Went in at 3:30 PM to peel potatoes, and that was good because the rain really started coming down again after I was in (it had been raining on and off all day), then pretty much stopped after I finished cooking supper, so the timing worked out well for once. Sausage, cabbage, and taters. Read a little bit of “The Hobbit” out loud to amuse myself while cooking. Grassed and fed Chihuahuas. Sprinkled watching the DW shows through the day but passed up House and The Flintstones today. Rosary about 5:30 PM. Analyzing Mark Twain’s clever stupidity and amateurish philosophy while reading his personal letters is a fascinating occupation; he’s such a combination of pride in his own judgement and blindness to his own contradictions and false humility about his person (he’s so vain about his humility) that he’s a fascinating human tangle that somehow adds up to being lovable, a sort of epitome of a man groping around, like a blind puppy trying to get out of a cardboard box. I get the feeling that a long river trip with G. K. Chesterton might have straightened him out, if Twain could have ever let his hardened prejudices get out of the way of his thinking.

Went in at 8 PM to wash up, but A wasn’t home yet. Finished watching Hellsing Abridged. Went in again at 9:20 PM and washed up. Then out and puttered away on YT and playing WWF until 11:30 PM. Now probably more MT letters until I drop off.

 

5/13/2020: Up at 5 AM, spent time ordering free Kindle books, playing WWF, and writing an entry in BI about The Peanuts Collection, which I then sent to John in e-mail. At 6:30 got dressed, opened the house (cool, but looks to be clear after the rain yesterday – some flooding in the surrounding areas), then prayers, Bible, and rosary. Washed dishes and took aspirin. Now 7:20 AM.

At 9 AM made Kam’s bacon and eggs, then made my ramen with bread and the bacon grease. For lunch had leftover cabbage and potatoes. In the nonce I finished off the letters and started “Roughing It”, cataloged the Peanuts Collection, watched the DW shows, and e-mailed John:  A droll coincidence: I am near the end of the Mark Twain letters and I noted that the editor of them (who had known and worked with him in his last years) also had a three-volume biography. Going to Amazon, I found the parts of Vol. I and III available - but not Vol. II! The same situation I suggested to you for a beginning [of a short story, perhaps a book]. It looks like Fate!

Not long after I messaged Kenny and he replied: “I have been working like a madman trying to get the house ready. We are getting a reverse mortgage which would mean we basically don’t have to pay the mortgage any more until both of us are dead. I’ve been fixing up the house to appraise better.”

I hope that works out for them. I got one page written today, so I’m slouching toward Bethlehem again. I have one damn march [until the end of the story] but I’m afraid Kassie [a figure in A Friend You Haven’t met – a girl figure] stands in my way at the moment. Where DID she come from?

Made supper: chicken breasts, and rice and broccoli. Cleaned up at 8 PM, then came in, turned on the AC, and stripped for bed. As I write this it’s almost 9 PM and I realize I didn’t ask Kam about his supper. Oh, well. He always has chips. I think I’ll see if I can sleep a while, then try to write whenever I wake up. Today got HUNDREDS of points on WWF, and it’s only Wednesday. I wonder if these two players who are always ready are robots.

 

5/14/2020: Woke up with the feeling like it was the last day on earth. Something about heavy rain in the 5 o’clock dark will do that. Prayers and Bible, and some actual work on AFYHM, where I at least introduced Kassie. Showered, had a ramen, read some Roughing It. As time crawls toward 9 AM, I try to make it count.

Made my ramen. About noon I got a call from Dan Thull. I e-mailed John: I woke up this morning about 5 AM and finally felt able to go on a bit with my story, after the doctor's appointment had sucked me dry of my meager supply of will power and spirit. About noon Dan called me and told me the results of my tests: blood sugar way too high of course. He advises me to go on the medications he's ordered for me at HEB and remove all starches and sugars from my diet and see how that goes for me in the next six months. They tell me that with Good RX the cost should only be $30 or so. So, I must give up ramen (which is my main staple of subsistence) and take up more proteins (such as eggs - the cheap alternative). I'm sure Susan will adapt and provide (she's at heart a good soul, a great soul); but I'm also sure she will give me maternal grief about it before she does. It is why her children both love and fear her. I would almost rather be allowed to crumble into dust than face that - almost. I suppose I deserve it, anyway. I've known for years my own shortcomings but never trimmed my sails accordingly. But perhaps now I can take it up as a spiritual exercise as well, a penance as it were; that could give it an added dimension and extra motivation. Anyway, it is my firm intention and resolve to have the first draft of the story finished by Saturday evening at the latest. This is not a rash estimate but a completely rational goal. If I do not achieve it, it will be my own fault.

Made my WWF goal today. For supper made corn on the cob, chili, squash, and rotini noodles for supper. I polished off the cucumber salad and a bowl of chili.

Worked on a proposed schedule for the weekdays, with walking and writing being the main new emphasis. Watched the 1967 Mark Twain Tonight, with Hal Holbrook; saw the bookends of Roughing It with James Garner as MT; watched Mark Twain and Me with Jason Robards in the role; and took a peek at Frederic March in the trailer for The Adventures of Mark Twain. Also dabs of that Claymation movie. When I turned on my music program to listen, found the songs had vanished again, or rather they were inaccessible and showed they lasted 0 seconds. Well, maybe they’ll come back, wagging their tails behind them. They have before. If not, I’ll have another project to restore them. Read quite a bit of Roughing It at bedtime. Shut down close to midnight, AC on and ceiling fan off.

 

Notes

Well, well, the first notes in the swelling symphony that has become my daily medication routine. It has taken me almost five years to seriously buckle down to that proposed diet as well. Once I got on SSI the cost of medication went down drastically for me, so that was good. Thankfully I didn’t have to lean on Susan any further in that department much longer.

Quite a time for Mark Twain, I see. I do tend to get on these streaks where I immerse myself in one subject or author and try to investigate, almost ‘triangulate’ an outline or opinion of it. As well as just indulge an interest or enthusiasm for it.

Still just starting on my ‘Book Inventory’ at the time. The missing music eventually turned up again, as mysteriously as it had vanished. Why, I still have no idea. Now, not only do I not play Words With Friends anymore, but I have left Facebook altogether.

Altogether, the times were a vector of change that shaped my subsequent five years.