Saturday, April 24, 2021

New DVDs

Why would someone who had both the theatrical and the extended editions of all the Hobbit movies need another copy? Because the others were all Blu-Ray and my Blu-Ray player lasted about two months. Why not buy another player, you ask? I don't know. Most of my movies and TV shows are DVDs still. The Hobbit Trilogy isn't particularly good, either, but it is still Tolkien. There are times when I get the urge to watch them again, and it doesn't always sync up with their appearances on TV.
The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
Haven't watched it yet, and have heard many mixed reviews. Still, it's Terry Gilliam, so it must be worth the ticket.
Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie
I always enjoyed "Hey Arnold!" , and have the complete series on DVD. When I saw this on TV back in 2017 I was not particularly impressed with it, but it did supply a sort of climax to the show. When I saw a copy for $4 at Walmart, I thought 'Why not?' Complete the circle.

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Run Off Into The Shadows, I Guess

Here is an action figure I can't quite lay my hands on anymore, although his crappy accoutrements keep turning up. Draven von Drekill. I bought him on one of my rare visits to Florida to see my brother Kenny. Of course we went to a bunch of toy stores, and of course I had to have a dwarf action figure. Had no idea what Heroclix was, of course. What I think happened was that at some point he broke and I put him aside somewhere safe until I could get him repaired, but if so, I can't find him.

 

Monday, April 5, 2021

Elf and Bear: The Conclusion of Chapter One


The bear hunkered down on all fours and the elf climbed on his back, clinging on top and holding onto the great beast’s fur.  Bear squatted even lower, and then with a leap he cleared the creek wall and lumbered off, crashing into the night.  Soon they had left the last dying flickers of the goblin’s fire far, far behind them.

Bear trotted along at a great pace through the frosty woods, while overhead the stars glittered like ice through the ragged clouds.  At last, when he judged that they had gone a safe distance, he paused to rest under a large fir tree.  The elf slid down from his back.

“Blast,” said Thornbriar.  “I’ve forgotten the key for these chains.”

“Let me see, said Bear.  The elf hobbled over and the bear leaned close to examine the lock.  Then, extending one long claw, he inserted it into the keyhole.  A few clinks and clanks and the manacles sprang open with a snap.  Thornbriar picked up the chain and threw it off into the bushes.

“Bear,” he said, turning to his friend.  “How in the world did you find me?  I thought I’d got myself lost good and proper.  In fact, I thought for a while that I’d never see home again.”

“Well, my nose still works,” said Bear shyly.  “I got worried when you didn’t get back for supper, so I went to look for you…and, well…to apologize.  I tracked you to Dr. Gilpin’s house, and then into the woods.  About ten yards away from that ravine I sniffed and said to myself ‘Goblins!’  And when I poked my nose down to check it out, there you were.”

“And just in time, too,” said Thornbriar.  “You saved me from a life of ignominious servitude, old fellow.”

“Well, you wouldn’t have been in that mess if it weren’t for me,” said the bear unhappily.  “I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, my friend,” said Thornbriar warmly.  “Let’s get back home.”

The two started through the woods.  Overhead, the last few tatters of clouds were gone, and the stars shone bright and clear.  All around was silence, except for the slight crunch of leaves under their feet.  A faint light began outlining the trunks of the bare oak trees, and by the time they left the woods the morning sun was brilliant red over the far mountains.

As they drew near their home, the bear turned toward the elf and said, “You must be tired and starving.  When we get home you rest, and I’ll make you a big breakfast, of anything you want.  How does that sound?”

“Truly excellent,” said Thornbriar.  “I would like about a dozen eggs, and toast, and tea!  And you know what would be especially nice?  A couple of thick slices of that ham hanging in the larder.”

Bear stopped in his tracks and hung his head.  “Oh,” he said.

“Why, Bear, what’s the matter?”

“Thornbriar, I ate the ham while I was waiting for you to get home yesterday! Oh dear, oh dear, I am sorry!”

“Bear!” yelled Thornbriar.

But he was laughing.



Saturday, April 3, 2021

Elf and Bear: The Retching Wretch

Suddenly he retched and spewed a mouthful of stew out back into the ladle.  He turned to the sickened Thornbriar and roared, tossing the goop back into the pot.

“This stuff is terrible!  I guess I’ll have to teach you a lesson, pointy-ears.”

Fleshbag began loosening a coiled leather whip from his belt.  “You’ll not serve me such muck again.”

“You didn’t give me enough time,” pleaded Thornbriar.  “If you’ll just be patient while it cooks…”

“My patience has run out, elf,” sneered the goblin. “You had plenty of time.  But you’re a sluggard.  Well, a few licks of the lash will make you go fast enough.”

He flicked the whip around in wicked little circles, then gave it a preliminary crack.  “This will cure your laziness!”  He raised the whip back to strike and Thornbriar cringed.

The blow never fell.

With a roar that shook the trees and shattered the night air Bear came leaping down the ravine into the middle of the goblin camp.  His landing seemed to shake the earth.  The whip fell from Fleshbag’s suddenly limp fingers and his jaw dropped in his bloodless face.  The bear sent goblins crashing left and right with mighty swipes of his paw as he bore down straight toward the goblin leader and Thornbriar.

Fleshbag drew out his sword with a shaking hand, but before he could use it, Bear knocked it upward with a blow of his paw. It went spinning through the air and landed with a “thunk” in the trunk of a tree.  The goblin looked from where the blade hung quivering back into the red eyes and three-inch fangs snarling a foot from his face.

Flehbag’s mouth worked as if he were trying to say something, anything, that could save his hide.  Bear thrust his snout forward and roared, a great full-throated bellow that sprayed the goblin and revealed even more teeth and a bright red gullet.  Fleshbag’s eyes rolled up in his head, and with a whimper he buckled to the ground.  As the goblin fainted, Bear reached forward and plucked the elf’s pointed blue hat from Fleshbag’s head before he hit the earth.

Bear handed Thornbriar his hat.  “Come on,” he said.  He looked around at the band of the groaning goblins.  “Let’s get out of here.”

“Just a moment.”

The elf adjusted his hat, then turned to the greasy cauldron.  Using the ladle he tipped its rim until the stomach-turning slop inside poured out, spilling everywhere and dousing the fire.  He gave a satisfied nod.  “Now let’s go.”


 

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Elf and Bear: Toil and Trouble

The goblins ganged up around Thornbriar as he was led away, gabbling and poking at him and turning out his pockets to see if he had anything they could steal.  Pigbottom pulled him along and threw him down roughly next to a grimy black cauldron perched on top of a clumsily piled stone fire-pit.

Thornbriar looked around for a way to escape, but the walls of the dry creek were steep and towered on either side.  The goblins had stacked vast tangles of brushwood at either end to wall in their camp, and in the middle the campfire burned, casting light into every corner.  Even if he could have gotten away, he found the leg-irons made it impossible to takes steps of more than a foot.  He would never be able to outrun the gang of goblins.

Now began a horrible time.  The goblin Gimpy brought him some bats to skin, and Pigbottom showed him the grimy sacks full of skunk cabbage and toadstools to chop up and put in the murky water in the cauldron.  There were other vile ingredients to poor elf had to prepare and put in the pot.  Many of these would kill any human in seven seconds, but goblins find them delicious.

Especially maddening was the way the goblins gathered around to prod and criticize the way he was doing things.  For while all goblins are lazy and dirty and never do any work if they can help it, they love to find fault with others and nag incessantly.

By the time Thornbriar had the cauldron full and simmering on the fire, he was pouring sweat even in the chill night air and felt sore with the pinches and pushes from his captors.  The thick goop had only started to bubble a little when Captain Fleshbag awoke with a snort and jumped to his feet.

“I’m ready to eat,” he announced.  “Let’s see how you did, elf.”

He strode over to the pot and grabbed the ladle.  The goblin leader stirred the steaming mess a few times and then scooped out a heaping load and sniffed it.

“Smelly,” he grunted approvingly.  He brought the ladle to his lips and began slurping it loudly.