SCENE
ONE: The Port. GALEN's ship pulling out. He is hailed by other ship's captain.
OTHER
CAPTAIN: Ahoy! Good shoals by the North Reef today!
GALEN: We're headed for deep water, and the torben.
OTHER
CAPTAIN: You're mad! They'll tear you to pieces one day.
GALEN: Maybe. The city needs oil and they pay well. More for one torben than a
full hold of shivsprats.
OTHER
CAPTAIN: Gods help you, Captain Galen.
[Galen
laughs.]
SCENE
TWO: The ship, heading out of the bay. Roth at wheel. GALEN taking readings on
astrolabe.
GALEN: Two degrees south, Roth.
ROTH: Aye, Captain. Sure is easier these days with the lighthouse.
GALEN: Yes. (Checks new heading through astrolabe.) Hello. (Through
the astrolabe he has spotted a young girl at one of the lighthouse windows.)
ROTH: What is it?
GALEN: I think it must be the old man's daughter.
ROTH: Really? What's she like?
GALEN: Rather nice, actually. (She goes from the window and disappears. Galen
lowers the astrolabe.)
ROTH: It must be creepy living all alone up there with that old magician.
GALEN: I keep telling you, Roth, there's nothing magical about it. He's just a
clever man who has built the city a very useful building for almost nothing...
ROTH: Aye, nothing except to live in it like it was his own private palace.
Gods know what he gets up to in there.
GALEN: Bah!
ROTH: Did you ever think he can see everything that goes on in the city from up
there? Sometimes at night I get the shivers thinking about it.
GALEN: You Morgs have a superstitious streak, that's all.
ROTH: Think about it, Galen. Who knows what the old devil might be planning
right now?
GALEN: Well, right now the only plans I'm worried about are our plans to catch
torben. So keep your mind off magic and your eyes peeled.
ROTH: Aye-aye, sir.
SCENE
THREE: Inside the lighthouse. It is full of the organized clutter of a natural
philosopher. The girl, MIRA, is turning away from the window and walking to the
table where her father, GROKYN, is sitting, working on something we cannot see.
MIRA: Are you sure that now is the right time to ask the city council, Father?
GROKYN: We must strike while their gratitude is fresh, my daughter.
MIRA: You have only just gained their confidence. I'm afraid that this idea
might be too daring for them.
GROKYN: We stand in the proof of their faith in my ideas.
MIRA: Yes, in this one. A lighthouse to guide the ships, that is very practical
and here-and-now. But this mission...this quest...the council can be very dour
and grim. They have no vision.
GROKYN: (Lifting an orb shimmering with a wondrous glow from the clutter of
his table.) Then I must show them mine.
[SCENE
FOUR: Mainly action. GALEN and ROTH sight a torben, a kind of armored whale,
and begin pursuit.]
SCENE
FIVE: The Worthin city council room. It is a five-tiered, circular room, with
high windows at the top and at the front a two-tiered dias, the highest part of
which is the Judge's Seat; below that are the seats of the Defender and the
Adversary. Facing them is the door of the chamber and two benches for
supplicants.
Scattered in the tiers are a few citizens
of Worthin, a couple of farmers, an old lady knitting, a few idlers, and one
very intense concerned citizen. On the lowest tier are GROKYN and MIRA,
awaiting their hearing.
In the Judge's Seat is ARZENATH, an elderly
Morg lady, common but shrewd. In the Adversary's Bench is WALNIVAR, a quiet,
urbane man; in the Defender's Bench is RUMBOG, a large middle-aged man,
somewhat louder in all respects than WALNIVAR. Before them are two parties,
hearing the judgement on their case.
ARZENATH: ...and shall be paid six weeks wages, as had been agreed. And Korzah, if
I have you before me again for cheating your folk out of their lawful pay,
you'll be fined the equal amount, do you understand?
(KORZAH
grumbles something low and his EMPLOYEE beams his thanks. They turn and go out
the great door. GROKYN and MIRA stand up, preparing for their case.)
ARZENATH: Very well, next on our agenda is (checks scroll before her) Master
Grokyn and his daughter Mira, to propose a new project for the betterment of
Worthin. You will all remember Master Grokyn as the architect of the new
lighthouse, I believe. You may come forward.
GROKYN: Thank you, Your Honor Arzenath. I come before you today to unfold a plan
that...
WALNIVAR: Your Honor, if I may make so bold as to point out that Master Grokyn has
not provided any notes or outlines to either Defender Rumbog or myself, as is
the usual procedure? It will be hard to defend or criticize this plan, whatever
it is, on the spur of the moment.
ARZENATH: Thank you, Walnivar. The point is taken. Grokyn, why is this?
GROKYN: Your Honor, what I have to propose is unusual and, may I say it,
unprecedented. I do not think it will be settled on the spur of the moment, but
only after a great deal of explaining and debate. Its merits and its flaws will
be immediately manifest; I believe, and I hope this court will find, that its
merits outweigh any flaw it might have.
[And
there the story stands. It evolved from--or perhaps into--a story called Upriver,
notes for which exist, mainly on names. It involves Grokyn's plan to use a new
semi-magical engine to power a ship up a great, mysterious river, and open new
lands and trade. Galen and Roth, of course, are pilot and crew, with Mira as
Galen's love interest. Two passengers, the cute but deadly KORYTH and KAIRIS,
are rescued along the way and join the crew. A subplot is Galen's search for
the mysterious DELVER, who vanished up the river long ago. His father? A
mentor? I've forgotten by this point. Names, places, and persons recycled for
this tale--Grokyn, Roth, Worthin, Arzenath, Walnivar.]
ONE
LAST FILM CAPER
Background: Ten years ago there was
a moderately popular TV show called The Talisman of the King (TOK). The
premise of the show was a king returning from exile to his kingdom reclaims it
and brings it back to order with the help of a magic talisman and a band of
faithful companions.
KING
MARCUS was wise, just, and when the occasion called for it,
a skilled fighter.
SIR
ALEXANDER, his chief knight, was younger, passionate, and a
fierce fighter, thinking more with his body than his head.
QUEEN
ZENOBIA was beautiful, adventurous, and spirited.
MASTER
NICODEMUS was an enchanter, expert on all magical lore.
YOUNG
SQUIRE KENNETH (who appeared only in the first two
seasons) was an enthusiastic lad who idolized those above him and aspired to
great deeds.
THE
TALISMAN OF THE KING was a mystical, sacred pendant that
King Marcus wears and by which he pursues his goals. A combination deus ex machina and McGuffin, it is sought and desired by many of his enemies.
The show ran for seven seasons, and now
constantly runs in syndication, often in the wee hours of the morning.
The actors: In the real world, King
Marcus was played by PS [yes, that PS], an expatriate British actor. Not as highly regarded in
the UK as he came to be in the USA. Has a casual contempt for the show. Has
inflated acting ambitions. Has "the golden voice," which can persuade
anyone to do anything.
Sir Alexander was played by JW, an actor
noted more for his physique than his talent. Ten years after the show it is not
as spectacular as it was. (Possible gag: throughout the movie he is sensitive
about it and won't remove his shirt. When he finally does we see it's still
good, but not up to his exacting standards.)
Queen Zenobia was played by LV, originally
as a bit of tail and a hostage, but developing later on into something of a
feminist heroine. She has real acting talent that has seldom been allowed to
stretch.
Master Nicodemus was played by AR. On
screen he has a very magisterial presence. Off screen he is a great poof.
Forced by the studio to keep a low profile while the show ran in deference to
the younger part of the audience and their parents, he has since become an
outspoken advocate for gay rights.
Young Kenneth was played by KB [Yes, that KB]. His main
role was to give the young audience a focus and a pattern for behavior.
Whenever he said "I'll always be loyal to you, my lord," it was hoped
it would be transferred to the show. KB was an innocent in a cage full of
egotistical wolves. He is now more cynical but teeters on the brink of hope and
is almost completely broke.
After the show ended, PS formed a
production company with the remaining actors. They have made three big flops
and are near the end of the money. PS decides the only thing to do is make a
quick cheapie film to exploit the continuing popularity of TOK.
CG is a memorabilia store owner and TOK's
biggest fan. KB has been pawning stuff to him for years. CG now owns the
world's largest collection of TOK costumes and props. An amateur FX specialist,
along with two associates.
The
Story of the Movie:
PS comes to KB to get him aboard for the
film. KB, at the end of his rope, agrees. He enlists CG and his pals to supply
props and effects, but CG has ulterior motives. He wants to get his hands on
the Talisman as the ultimate TOK collectible, which PS has always retained. CG
tries to subvert KB to this end.
KB goes to PS's mansion which will be the
center of operations. There the other actors gather, and PS explains the money
situation and his plan for a quickie movie to remedy it. Other actors still
supercilious to KB.
The Movie Within the Movie's Plot: The
enchanter goes mad, steals the Talisman, and steps through a magic portal. The
king, queen, and champion follow, and they are all transported to our world and
time (a great saving on locations and costuming). While the enchanter tries to
find ways to take over our world, the other three must try to find him and
survive in their new surroundings.
They are helped by the squire. It turns out
he was sent to our world in Episode 32 when it was thought that the Dark Duke
had destroyed him. "It's sort of a fish-out-of-water comedy subplot."
They finally find the enchanter, confront him, and the king uses the talisman
to return him to his right mind. They all return except the squire, who decides
to remain and help our world.
The irony is that KB in now in somewhat the
same position: he understands how ordinary people have to live in the real
world and the actors have forgotten.
The conflict is in KB's feelings about PS.
PS, through his failures, is learning Lear-like lessons of humility and honor.
He and KB grow closer and teach each other. However, KB has also promised CG to
get the Talisman, and he owes CG a lot of money (he made the promise in
exchange for a loan when he was still pissed off at PS).
The end should be a great reconciliation,
perhaps after reading the inscription on the back of the Talisman (revealed to
be "Hope is the Greatest Magic"--written upside down in curvy
letters). Happy ending: the movie makes a small profit and is 99th in a list of
top 100.
NOTES:
Opening
credits could be in collector's shop, showing action figures and comics and
poster featuring each character as they are listed.
The
Talisman of the King was originally the work of Guy
Smithers, who wrote ten loosely connected stories for the 1930's pulps which
were collected into one book and was published posthumously.
A
GREEN GLASS BELL
Somewhere, deep in the woods, someone was
playing a willow flute, the low husky notes carrying on the uneasy wind that
trembled the new spring leaves. Young Tront stopped, surprised, on the road
between the fields and the village, and looked vainly into the green dim under
the trees, but could only see black trunks that seemed to float between deep
undergrowth and thick canopy. He stood listening a moment as the wind shifted
and the music faded farther and farther away and ended at the farthest limit of
hearing with the shivering tinkle of a green glass bell.
Tront leaned on his hoe and ran a hand
through his thick blonde hair. He felt a chilling sweat on his forehead. I must
be getting fanciful, he thought. A glass bell, certainly, but why a green
glass bell? A green glass bell in a green wood. An empty wood, folks said, but
apparently not. Tront shook his head to clear it of cobwebs. Some truant child,
hiding, he decided, shouldering the hoe again. It was a moment before his
distracted mind recollected which way he was going--home, for the evening
meal--and with a backward glance or two he bent his reluctant steps toward the
village again.
THE
FOOL OF DOOM
1.
Opening scenes establishing Fabulous World
2.
Introduction of Samuel Balch [Jon Lovitz].
A. In magic Classroom.
B. With Wizardly Professor, who seems to belittle
him.
3.
Scene with Major Irony [Jeremy Irons].
A. Who seems to be friendly.
B. Says Balch from another world.
4.
Scene where Irony sends Balch to Ordinary World.
5.
Balch lands.
A. At a bus stop.
B. Wanders around.
6.
Balch finds Alison [a real Fantasy fan].
A. She takes him home.
B. They become friends.
C. He gains confidence.
7.
They decide to return to Fabulous World.
A. Balch fashions the spell.
8.
They find the Fabulous World in flames and under attack.
9.
Balch finds the Professor, who tells him:
A. That Irony is trying to take over.
B. That Irony got rid of Balch because he
was the only one who could stop him.
10.
Balch, Alison, and the Professor go to confront Irony
11.
Balch somehow manages to defeat Irony (using some ordinary thing and by his very clumsiness - Irony can't plan for his chaos).
12.
Happy Ever After.
[I
remember writing more notes on this, probably lost in computer crash. Starring
Jon Lovitz: "Fatter than Harry Potter! Balder than Gandalf!"
"Master Irony!" "WHAT?!?!" "...hellooo..." and
Jeremy Irons. Jeremy Irons: (in ordinary suit) "Where's my money?"]
.jpg)
