"The Way to San José"

 

Speaking of proposed story cycles, here are the notes I made for a projected sitcom that I tried to develop, sometime after Seinfeld but before The Big Bang Theory, believe it or not. College roommates at the fictional San José University struggle with their neuroses and beliefs as they try to live their unconventional lives.  The beginnings of a first episode script exists (“The Super Poop”) but the whole process foundered when I began to wonder if I was really as funny as I thought I was. That’s why you need writing partners for this kind of thing. While I was typing this up, I thought of two new episodes and added them to the list.

 

Characters:

Marcus: Early to middle thirties. He is the quintessential Old Student. Full of the kind of intelligence and knowledge that will do him no good at all in the “real world”, but capable of odd insights and wiliness when backed in a corner. A sentimental fool who never grew up and who cries over lost ideals, a sinner and a goof-off, he tries pathetically to cover his emotions with a “Vulcan” veneer. Our Hero.

Dean: Twenty or so. Comes from a well-to-do (they’d never admit to ‘rich’) family who send him to San José University as an easy, party college that money will oil you through. Breezy, genial, and easy-going, he is a man to beware of, for below his mask of sanity he carries a ruthless iron fist in a velvet glove. Known by few but beloved by all, he has a strange respect for Marcus who has no money yet somehow survives.

Shelby: Late thirties, older sister of Marcus. A seemingly bland, colorless lady, she goes through an array of startling and unusual jobs that she treats as no more bizarre than any other work. Her actions and insights are often outrageous but carried out so matter-of-factly and plainly that after a few moments they are accepted as fait accompli.

 

Places:

The Apartment House: A typical student off-campus residence, an entire house divided into apartments. The Landlady is an elderly termagant who is in and out of the old folk’s home, but mostly absent. The accommodations are grungy and makeshift, with Dean’s room the one oasis of taste and comfort.

San José University: Has the reputation as a party college, but with a few good professors. The faculty tend to worry about finances more than the students or education. Located in the college city of San José (but not the San José you’re thinking of).

 

Episodes (in no particular order except the first and last):

Episode: Dean develops a foul stench. Shelby reveals to Marcus that their mother died five years ago, then moves in.

Episode: Marcus rebels against the student food they’ve been having to survive on and longs for steak. Can he get one without breaking the bank?

Episode: The Landlady shows up and goes on the warpath, wandering in and out of the apartment at will and complaining about everything – especially Shelby.

Episode: Marcus is appalled when he discovers that everyone has always assumed he was gay. The more he tries to deny it, the more everyone assures him it is okay. But is he really?

Episode: Marcus, a toy collector, senses the presence of a nemesis in the market and feels the need to hunt him down and confront him.

Episode: Marcus becomes unhinged and despondent when his favorite soda – a local brand of caffeine-laced cream soda – is discontinued.

Episode: Dean takes Marcus to his first-ever college party, where he gains unexpected popularity as a bitter wit. Dean finds out that there is nothing as obnoxious as a successful Marcus.

Episode: A faded pop-idol comes to serve as a disc jockey at the college radio station, igniting Marcus’s scorn and Shelby’s schoolgirl crush.

Episode: Marcus discovers that the guy who cheated him out of his Fourth-Grade election is running for mayor of his hometown – but he won’t win if Marcus has anything to do with it.

Episode: Marcus must try to pass his Communications course if he is to stay in college but wonders (with his crippling stage fright) if he’ll do any better the 25^th time.

Episode: Marcus is worried that his family line will fizzle out and tries to spark fireworks between Dean and Shelby.

Episode: The three try to make some extra money by letting one of the rooms during a science fiction convention but find the down-on-his-luck scificon not to be what they expected.

Episode: Prompted by questions from Shelby, Marcus and Dean reveal the selfish but unlikely private reasons they room together. They wonder if they can continue the arrangement, knowing what they know now.

Episode: A professor suspects Marcus has an ulterior plot to never graduate on purpose, because he did the same thing. Marcus gets a chilling glimpse of his possible future.

Episode: Marcus and Shelby’s childhood house in Staples is finally sold, and the three roommates go to clean it out. Old memories are stirred up, and Marcus finds out that home can run away from you.