Terrible ‘Tolkien’

I will be the first to admit that I am a sucker for branding. Slap ‘Tolkien’ or ‘Middle-earth’ on anything and I’m likely to buy it – unless it’s too expensive or seems a little ‘sus’. But if it’s deeply discounted or at bargain prices, I can seldom resist. 

This has led me to several poor purchases. For every true scholar like Tom Shippey or Holly Ordway there are at least half-a-dozen grifters like David Day or David Colbert, attaching themselves like leeches onto the juggernaut of The Lord of the Rings, or numbers of ‘scholastics’ like Anne C. Petty or Randall Helms, who use the popularity of Middle-earth as a launching platform for their own inimical philosophies, or evangelists tacking their own messages onto Tolkien rather than mining the admittedly Christian subtext of the books, or biographers* just wanting to make a quick buck on his sudden popularity thanks to the films. I include several DVD documentaries which must be, by their very nature, superficial. There is even a LOTR 'oracle', which would no doubt make Tolkien recoil, as he did with people using replicas of the One Ring for wedding rings. "You know nothing of my work."

But I have got them all, searching each volume, hoping to glean one new fact or insight about Tolkien or at least about the ‘deplorable cultus’ that has accreted around his work. Do I need them or even want them at this point? Almost certainly not. But once having expended my time and money, it really wouldn’t help much to get rid of them – unless I really needed the space.

I was brought to this meditation by ‘Tolkien Geek’ on the Tolkien Lore channel, about just such a book:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNPRAlPK3Js

This sounds like the sort of book I would have been tempted by during the lean years of Tolkien fandom. Thanks to this video, I am well warned away from it. But if I found it cheaply in a used book outlet? Who can say what I’d do? It is, after all, ‘about’ Tolkien – for a certain value of ‘Tolkienity.’

*How many copies of the terrible biography by Daniel Grotta-Kurska do I have to have? Thanks, Brothers Hildebrandt!

Tolkien Tuesday: We Interrupt Our Regular Program ...

“All about the hills the hosts of Mordor raged. The Captains of the West were foundering in a gathering sea. The sun gleamed red, and under the wings of the Nazgul the shadows of death fell dark upon the earth. Aragorn stood beneath his banner, silent and stern, as one lost in thought of things long past or far away; but his eyes gleamed like stars that shine the brighter as the night deepens. Upon the hill-top stood Gandalf, and he was white and cold and no shadow fell on him. The onslaught of Mordor broke like a wave on the beleaguered hills, voices roaring like a tide amid the wreck and crash of arms.

As if to his eyes some sudden vision had been given, Gandalf stirred; and he turned, looking back north where the skies were pale and clear. Then he lifted up his hands and cried in a loud voice ringing above the din: The Eagles are coming! And many voices answered crying: The Eagles are coming! The Eagles are coming! The hosts of Mordor looked up and wondered what this sign might mean.

There came Gwaihir the Windlord, and Landroval his brother, greatest of all the Eagles of the North, mightiest of the descendants of old Thorondor, who built his eyries in the inaccessible peaks of the Encircling Mountains when Middle-earth was young. Behind them in long swift lines came all their vassals from the northern mountains, speeding on a gathering wind. Straight down upon the Nazgul they bore, stooping suddenly out of the high airs, and the rush of their wide wings as they passed over was like a gale.

But the Nazgul turned and fled, and vanished into Mordor's shadows, hearing a sudden terrible call out of the Dark Tower; and even at that moment all the hosts of Mordor trembled, doubt clutched their hearts, their laughter failed, their hands shook and their limbs were loosed. The Power that drove them on and filled them with hate and fury was wavering, its will was removed from them; and now looking in the eyes of their enemies they saw a deadly light and were afraid.

Then all the Captains of the West cried aloud, for their hearts were filled with a new hope in the midst of darkness. Out from the beleaguered hills knights of Gondor, Riders of Rohan, Dunedain of the North, close-serried companies, drove against their wavering foes, piercing the press with the thrust of bitter spears. But Gandalf lifted up his arms and called once more in a clear voice:

'Stand, Men of the West! Stand and wait! This is the hour of doom.'

And even as he spoke the earth rocked beneath their feet. Then rising swiftly up, far above the Towers of the Black Gate, high above the mountains, a vast soaring darkness sprang into the sky, flickering with fire. The earth groaned and quaked. The Towers of the Teeth swayed, tottered, and fell down; the mighty rampart crumbled; the Black Gate was hurled in ruin; and from far away, now dim, now growing, now mounting to the clouds, there came a drumming rumble, a roar, a long echoing roll of ruinous noise.

'The realm of Sauron is ended!' said Gandalf. 'The Ring-bearer has fulfilled his Quest.' And as the Captains gazed south to the Land of Mordor, it seemed to them that, black against the pall of cloud, there rose a huge shape of shadow, impenetrable, lightning-crowned, filling all the sky. Enormous it reared above the world, and stretched out towards them a vast threatening hand, terrible but impotent: for even as it leaned over them, a great wind took it, and it was all blown away, and passed; and then a hush fell.
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

Well, today is March 25, the day of the destruction of the Ring and the Downfall of Sauron. Long before 'Tolkien Reading Day' was organized by the Tolkien Society in 2003 (to encourage, promote, and celebrate the life and works of J. R. R. Tolkien) I and certain members of my family were using the Tolkien Calendar to celebrate with a reading from the books, the 'destruction' of a mock-ring, and such feasting as I could arrange. I'm giving my summation and notes a pass today; it is my rather forlorn hope to work on it the rest of the week and finish the chapter next Tuesday. It is a hope that I have. 

Out of the Toybox (8): The Bakshi 'The Lord of the Rings', by Knickerbocker

 

I had much to say about this set before, back on my other blog, Power of Babel.

“In 1978, Ralph Bakshi brought the world his much-maligned animated version of The Lord of the Rings. In 1979, Knickerbocker (which made toy lines for movies) came out with action figures of six characters and two steeds from the movie. There was Frodo, Gandalf, Sam, Aragorn, Gollum, and a Ringwraith, its horse, and the white horse Frodo rode to escape it.

“Locally, they were available at Perry's, a department store at Oak Park Mall. Through a lot of persuasion (and downright begging) we were able to get Mom to buy us all that they had: all the figures and steeds except for Sam. We always hoped that they'd come out with more figures (at least Gimli and Legolas) but the film was never hugely popular and apparently most of the shelf space was hogged by the Star Wars franchise.

“We've cherished these figures through the years. Gollum mysteriously "disappeared" after we allowed our sister and her visiting friend to play with a few figures, but Yen was able to replace him from a comicbook store when he moved to Florida. The horses have lost three fragile hooves between them. The Nazgul has come apart and been put together again. And my niece chewed on the band of Gandalf's hat. But we have them still, the only LOTR action figures for many years, and we still have all their accessories.” – June 2008

“Gandalf got a lot of play in the old days, even though he was much larger than the 3 and 3/4" format of most of the action figures of the time. His body is constructed of a hollow shell, with articulation only at the shoulders; these days there is a hint of translucence around the beard, and the paint is peeling on his hands.” – Jan 2010

“Two weeks ago, our family descended upon Eckman's Comic, Card, and Toy Show once again to scour its stalls for new finds and old memories.

“I was satisfied and ready to leave, when my sister mentioned seeing some of the Ralph Bakshi The Lord of the Rings action figures, and particularly Sam.
“Now I have mentioned before in this blog that way back in 1979 we got all the Knickerbocker LOTR figures, except for Sam. He had always been the hard one to find, apparently, and I had never even seen one in person. We all had to run back (if you can call a fast squeeze through milling crowds a run) to the stall where she had seen it. It belonged to a colorful entrepreneur that my brother had nicknamed Kramer, a fellow who deals in the Sixties and Seventies toys we especially enjoy. John had already scoured his displays, but he had put out new stuff since then, and there they were: Aragorn, Frodo, Gollum, and to our wonder, Sam.

“He was not mint in box, of course, and he was missing his little knife, but he was there. Kramer wanted $100 for each figure, but the great thing about these shows is one can haggle, and after some back and forth (and a quick loan from my sister) I purchased Sam for $85. This is a comparable price for similar Sams on eBay, if you figure in shipping and handling, and had the added bonus of being RIGHT THERE to kindle my acquisitive nature. At last I had a Samwise Gamgee in my hot little hand, and all the journey home I kept taking him out in his little plastic display box (we have a rule: no unwrapping till we get home), gazing at his details, and occasionally muttering "My Precious!"
"We got home, I dug out the original figures and at last the old gang was complete, with Sam finally standing staunchly at Frodo's side. The quest of thirty-three years was accomplished. The old gap was filled, an odd psychic tension relaxed, "back-story...resolving, heart...melting, desire to destroy world...fading away!" But seriously, one of my three or four big toy yearnings had been fulfilled.

“This had gone back a long way. As early as 1980, the almost complete set of LOTR figures (sans Ringwraith's Horse) had been offered in a comic book ad for $3.99 each. I wanted them, but I had no checking account at the time, and my parents had a weird fear about sending checks in the mail. I do not know if they came on cards or if they were simply shipped, but a carded mint Knickerbocker LOTR can go for two or three thousand dollars these days. What an investment that might have been (if I could ever be persuaded to part with them)!

“But as for this Sam, my Sam, he might well say (adapting a famous saying) "Well, I'm home!" – Feb. 2012

 

It is hard to believe that it was over 11 years ago when we finally completed the set. Nowadays even the loose figures still command large prices, from $200 to $2000, at least. Of course, much depends on completeness (with accessories) and condition. But I hardly need say, to me they are priceless. Man, I really need to fix me up a better background. 

Ralph Bakshi's "The Lord of the Rings": VHS

I bought my VHS copy from Robin's Bookstore in San Marcos in the early Eighties, for $70. In 2020 dollars, that's about $170. I think that proves my dedicated fanaticism adequately. I had to think long and hard before laying out that kind of money. It wasn't the best movie it could have been, but it was Tolkien, dammit, and I had to have it. It certainly has great moments, and is part of the context of my youth.