2021 Diary: Difficulties and Dreams

2021 Diary

2/16/2021: Up about 6:15 AM. Got through the night and not too cold, but still sore from my fall. Turned on cartoons and got dressed, put on shoes (after cleaning a bit of mud off). Prayers, Bible. Ramen and medicine. I wish my order to HEB had gotten through before the panic [about the snow]; I have food (ramen), but it is pretty bland. How did I get through those years before I could get REAL FOOD? Weather is 13 degrees (feels like 4) and there is still snow on the ground, but the electricity never went out last night, so thank God. Supposed to get up to 30 by 5 PM, but rainy drizzle after that, following into the next day. What of Lent?

Went in about 1 PM and Kam had me make some cinnamon rolls. I got some eggs and bread to fortify my lunch ramen. S&A came home about 3 PM I guess, and Andy asked if I tried the heating element on my AC, so we did that again; still nothing. He went outside to check it and found the panes in the window were loose and open. Got notification from church that Ash Wednesday services are cancelled, but ashes will be distributed on weekend services. Later (in the evening) I filled the window up with towels. Went in at 3:45 PM and started supper (sausage, cabbage). Ate in the house and cleaned up before going back out. Made Kam a Braunschweiger and cream cheese sandwich. Watched my evening shows, then rosary. Asleep about 9:30 PM.

 

2/17/2021: Ash Wednesday. Up at 6 AM, watched cartoons. Prayers. Had breakfast and took medicine. Water still running well. Putting on my socks is a bit of a chore as bending over with ribs still sore on my left side a thing. Read Bible, then read liturgy for Ash Wednesday out of my missalette. It’s now 9 AM. Temperature 32 degrees but feels like 26, they say.

Went in at 1 PM to start stew. Susan, Andy, and Kam all home. What with pork roast, cabbage, onions, carrots, potatoes, and rice, it took until 5 PM for it to be done. Also made corn bread but forgot the jalapenos. Yen called to check on us. Andy and Kam played video games and Susan rebooted her computer. After we ate supper, I came in (forgot my Kindle inside) and prayed my rosary at 6 PM. Nothing to do now but watch TV until bed. It’s 30 now but only supposed to get down to 28.

 

2/18/2021: Lots of dreams:: “You don’t walk down so many muddy roads without getting your feet dirty.” A Gatti’s opening in this cold weather and I’m not in uniform, and then I find out TRUMP is the new boss and I have to bus [clean tables] right in front of him.

Up at 7 AM. Prayers, and dress in completely new clothes. Temperature 28, but no new snow … yet. Bible now.

Ate leftover cabbage and taters for breakfast, took medicine. In the long, boring wait until 9 AM.

Went out [to the big house] at 9 AM, and it started snowing again. I waited until 11 AM, just sitting, then went back in [to the Guest House]. Checked my e-mail, and I saw that last night HEB sent me an email saying they had “successfully” canceled my order! Egaah! Kept snowing most of the day.

Went in at 4 PM and started cooking supper, “successfully” cutting my thumb while chopping onions. Made chili, rotini, and corn on the cob. Susan home a little after 5 PM, and Andy about 5:30 PM. I had some leftover stew and then some of the fruit salad Susan had mixed, and some strawberries. Washed up without any water [a tiny trickle] in the kitchen sink (using water from the bathroom sink). Came in. Called John and talked a while. Rosary. Time for bed soon (9 PM).

 

2/19/2021: Up at 7 AM after many dreams. Prayers, Bible. Made some ramen and took my medicine. 26 degrees right now, but the sun is out, and is supposed to be 37 by noon.

The day went on and on. Ate leftover stew at 1 PM. At 2 PM started frying taters for supper. Everything ready about 5:15 PM. Kam locked me out of the back door because the neighbors over the stream were making noise; I almost cried in frustration because my hands were full, and my cut thumb had made things hard for me all day.

Because the water was still low in the [big] house Andy brought the baking dish over here to be washed and then took it back. Rosary. When I went to lay down my left foot gave me the pip all night with a shooting pain down by the inside of my heel. I squirmed and adjusted and spasmed and twitched and tried to get comfortable. Finally I bound it up with the Ace bandage, and that gave me a little relief. An uneasy sleep, awaking every hour or so from dreams to pain.

 

2/20/2021: Got up about 6:30 AM, the pains finally a little mollified. Morning cartoons. Took a shower at last. Dressed my thumb. Took medicine. Straightened up house. Prayers and Bible, starting Exodus today. Making ramen at 9:30 AM.

About 11:30 AM went in and got leftover cucumber salad and a deer sausage; Andy also gave me an expired salad (just a couple of days; still good). Later he brought me about half of Susan’s big bacon burger and a few onion rings. Delish! Later when I took my recyclables through the house and got a jug of water Susan reminded me to go easy on the water, as it might be a while before we can stock up again.

Watched Babylon Bee Reads LOTR; “Fog on the Barrow Downs” and frustrated by my inability to comment because of Kameron’s hold on my ID. One of these days we have to straighten that out. The temp has been in the 50’s most of the day and the snow disappearing.

Ate more ramen for supper. Watched a part of “Lilies of the Field” [1963]. Wrote a couple of pages of AF  [Bob’s Book 2]. Laid down to sleep sometime between 9 and 10 PM.

 

2/21/2021: Awake a little after 12 midnight with my left foot a-twangling. Got up and said my prayers, read my Bible, and did some small prep for the morning. A little after 1 AM now, and I think I’ll try to settle down again.

Up a little before 6 AM, and for all my prep I left no earlier than 7 AM. Met Susan and Andy setting out for HEB. Got to church; rosary. Got our Ash Wednesday ashes at the end of the service and on the top of the head, rather than a cross on the forehead, as per the bishop’s directive. Afterward I trudged over to FD; not a lot of business, but they had what I wanted. Got home just as S&A were unloading groceries; were they just home or had they been to Walmart as well? Anyway, it was very warm, and after I peeled all my layers off, had breakfast. Opened the windows to get the warm in. Took a lie-down for a bit after having ravioli, moon-pies, Pop-Tarts. Andy brought in bananas, grapes, the end of an enormous taco (which I also ate), mushrooms, chili, and spinach. Ate the chili about 2 PM.

Up afternoon after dozing and listening to music. Listening to Corey Anderson reading and discussing LOTR bit by bit. Basking in the warmth. John answered by bit of writing thusly:

“It is nice to see that Hodge's [a cranky boss in Goldfire] temperament has remained unchanged for the last 40 years! Good stuff! Makes me think that a young man's decision to take up magic in a fantasy world is like deciding to be an artist in ours! Not a lot of encouragement and probably with good reason.  Sadly.”

Spent the evening between more Corey Andersen Tolkien analysis and Sunday animations (meh). Andy brought me the leftover cornbread. Finally feeling warm wore a sweater, put the heater on. Bed at about 10 PM.

 

2/22/2021: Had a dream where I was very busy working on the house [at Loop Drive]. Mom made spaghetti (unasked) with Pop’s help. They cooked it without stirring and when it came time to drain it, they just dumped it into a sink full of dirty dishes. I came in and in dismay tried to salvage the clumpy mess; it was the only food we had. While I tried to separate the noodles and wash them and calculate how long they still needed to be cooked, I noticed they had only made 2 boxes when we would clearly need at least 3; there was one still in the cabinet. Mom was not accepting any blame, just proudly and defensively saying she had tried her best, and Pop was also not feeling any responsibility, since he was only assisting. He was more amused than anything at our difficulties. That spaghetti seemed like a perfect metaphor for my life. Also, am I harboring resentment toward Mom?

Well, on with the goddam circus. Up a little after 6 AM. Prayers, Bible. Dress (having to resort to my gray pants), cartoons, and straightening up house. Time to sort the clothes for washing.

Started the wash early at 7:30 AM. Waited with Kam at 8 AM; weather nice and mild. At 9 AM boiled eggs and made egg salad. Through the day finished three loads of wash. After 1 PM Kameron came home, and he helped me make broccoli salad! This was particularly good for me, since I was still feeling heavy and slow. Listened to Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast with guest Alan Menken. At 4 PM went in and made fish and couscous. For my own supper used couscous, 2 eggs, and a cup noodle combination. Went in at 8 PM and washed up. Then rosary and bed. Finished reading that Lafcadio Hearn biography [Wandering Ghost].

Notes

Arr, them was cold, hard days, me bucko. The freezing had loosened the panes in the air conditioner window, which did not help the cold.

In those days of isolation, I was cast into a weird cycle of dreams, worrying about food, and, of course, health. Falls, cuts, pains, anything to complicate things in the freezing weather. The impotence of having little food, plenty of money, and no way to spend it!

My gray pants were a pair of suit pants that required suspenders; always a pain and seldom worn. But couldn’t run the washing machine during the freeze.

Corey Anderon is still working on his analysis of The Lord of the Rings five years later; he’s been burrowing down deep for over nine years and has got as far as Gandalf confronting the Balrog. That’s 362 episodes! But the Babylon Bee funked out early on their LOTR analysis.

Kameron’s ID and mine are still inextricably intertwined. I only let him use it for convenience’ sake a decade ago. I still can’t comment under my own flag, and sometimes our bookmarks get scrambled. I’m too weary and technically stupid to change it at this late date; all my efforts have proved futile.

And now I’m hungry for stew.