Bloviation on Christmas Songs

Well, ‘tis the season for Christmas songs everywhere. Most people either hate them or love them, but I’m in a particularly uncomfortable position: some Christmas songs I really, really love and others I entirely loathe. Not all Christmas songs are created equal; not all of them are ‘carols’, though they may be somewhat sloppily referred to as so. I have a few informal categories I think of them in, and you can possibly guess from the way I define them what kind of Christmas songs I like.

In the first place, Christmas songs can be put into two broad categories, Religious and Secular. There can be some crossover, of course, as there are often crossovers in lots of the songs, when you think about them.

The Religious Songs themselves are in two categories, what you might call ‘Christian’ and ‘Folk Religion.’ In the Christian category I would put songs referring specifically to Jesus, Mary, Angels, the Three Kings, and so on. I would put Silent Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, We Three Kings, Gabriel’s Message, and The Coventry Carol in this category. The Folk Religion category deals with more folkloric stuff, like Good King Wenceslaus, The Boar’s Head Carol, The Holly and the Ivy, and The Little Drummer Boy (which only dates to 1941, but which I feel inclined to include).

The Secular songs have many more subdivisions, but their basic themes are Winter, the Holiday Season, and Celebration.

One subdivision I would make is songs For Kids. Jolly, whimsical, and in their own way mythological, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Not by coincidence, a lot of these have been made into animated specials.

Another kind of related subcategory are songs About Kids. These are songs that seem to fall into what I call the ‘God Bless the Naïve Little Idiots’ vein. Songs like All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, and even Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. At their worst these songs are jaw-grittingly twee.

Another subcategory of Secular Christmas songs I would identify as Seasonal Celebration songs. Things like It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, Holly Jolly Christmas, We Need a Little Christmas, Jingle Bells (though not originally or specifically a Christmas song), and maybe even I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Much emphasis on good cheer, trimmings and trappings, presents and food.

Another subdivision I would categorize as the Rock’n’Roll or Jazzy song. It includes (of course) Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, The Little St. Nick, Christmas in Hollis, and Zat You, Santa Claus? These are typified by being in whatever is the passing and popular style at the time of release. Some may survive long enough to become almost traditional, if a little quaint.

Another subcategory under Secular songs may be loosely termed the Romantic Christmas song, which can be further divided into the Horny (Baby It’s Cold Outside, Santa Baby, Let It Snow) and the Forlorn (Blue Christmas Lights, Blue Christmas, Last Christmas). Such songs have little to do with Christmas itself, though the feelings expressed may be intensified by the general expectation of happiness.

The last subdivision is a relatively new one though it has one or two classical examples. This I would call the Anti-Christmas song, and it flourishes wherever there is a Scrooge-like reaction to the season. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch might be the codifying model; animated specials or special episodes seem to spawn this kind of song. Christmas Time is Killing Us, No More Toymakers to the King, Kidnap the Sandy Claws, and more adultly St. Stephen’s Day Murders go much towards expressing the anxiety and grouchiness that can flow like an undercurrent beneath expectations of jolliness.

Anyway, those are the types I classify Christmas songs into. I’m sure there is some crossover between genres in individual songs. Your mileage may vary. You are likely to hear a grab-bag of them all jumbled together if you listen to any particularly Christmas-themed channel, and I know I must wait patiently through at least two songs I don’t care for until I hear one that I do like. But that’s about the right proportion for most things in life; in fact, better than most.