2021 Diary: Dis May

5/22/2021: Up about 4:30 AM. Prayers and Bible. Dozed through part of the morning, then up again. Blood sugar at 7:30 AM, insulin at 8 AM. A spattering of rain outside that complicates my plan to catch up wash while the Shanafelts go to SA for the toy show and to visit Kaitlyn and Ryan.

As it turned out the toy show was scanty on the things we want, and they brought back nothing for me but the $100 I sent. Reports on the Tovars house are glowing. Did my wash in three big loads. Rainy all day.

 

5/23/2021: Read the Pentecost services for yesterday and today. Popcorn caught fire in the microwave. No harm done except a mess. About noon Andy took me to Chicken Express. Constant rain. Spent the rest of the day on DQ8 and trying to sleep, and some cleaning. Make order for HEB.

 

5/24/2021: Up at 4:45 AM. Prayers and Bible. Catch up diary. Shower. Going to make efforts to regularize my meal and medicine schedule today.

Went in at 9 AM, boiled eggs and made egg salad. Kept waiting for HEB order, then on a hunch checked the front porch, and there it was, in direct defiance of my request. Couldn’t bring the water in (too heavy) but Andy brought it to me at lunch. I almost wept in frustration. Also, at lunch they told me the sink was busted, and I’m sure Susan blames me, though I did nothing out of the usual operation and it looked fine when I was done.

Made cucumber salad and Kam came home. At 4 PM went in and fixed fish and couscous. Andy home a little late and at 8:30 PM I washed up. During the evening I watched most of “Chaplin” on TCM.

 

5/25-26/2021: Went through the days trying to keep on schedule. Had to admit that, as far as reading goes, my vision is far too blurry now. The kitchen sink in the big house is leaking, which complicates cooking.

 

5/27/2021: Up at six. BS, then breakfast, then shower. Cartoons. At 8 AM prayers and insulin. The struggle continues.

 

5/28/2021: Went back and collected all the images I had been letting go by and posted them. John called about 1 PM and firmed up our plans for lab (9 AM Monday) and doctor’s appointment (3:30 PM Tuesday). Lots of rain and thunder from 9 PM well into the morning hours (4 AM).

 

5/29/2021: Spent the morning point-farming and then beating Rhapthorne. On to the Dragon Dimension. Wrote some on AM (“Aftermath”).

 

5/30/2021: Woke up at 6 AM and knew I wasn’t going to make it to church. Read the Missalette for the day and prayed. Andy mowed today and it rained in the afternoon. Feeling woebegone and tense and lonely. Ate too much, of course. This month should have been called Dismay instead of May.

 

5/31/2021: Memorial Day and the last day of May. John picked me up at 9 AM, we went to the hospital, but I’d forgotten my form, so we came back, I got it, and had my blood drawn. We went by Whataburger and got three double meat double cheese burgers, then to Walmart. I bought some 3x cheater glasses, some size 14 slippers, and a new Gandalf articulated action figure. The rest of the day was kind of quiet and dull, with DQ8 and Gravity Falls. Didn’t have to do any cooking. Ordered groceries from HEB in the evening.

Notes

I don't think I've unboxed that figure yet.

 

2021 Diary: I Had the Gall

5/8/2021-5/10/2021: The Gallbladder Days. Was feeling bad Saturday and Susan suggested it might be my appendix. Andy took me to the Emergency Room at 3 PM, and then it was just a nightmare of waiting. Eventually I was put in a room about 9 PM. There were tests and scans and ultrasounds and long dozy uncomfortable stretches of waiting. On Sunday I was put under, and my gallbladder removed. Long periods of urination and dry mouth and ketoacidosis (looks like I’ll be needing insulin). About 6:30 PM Andy came to pick me up and took me to HEB Pharmacy where they didn’t have everything I needed right away. Came back to guest house and called John and Kenny and started to get things straightened up after a good doze. Ordered healthier food from HEB.

 

5/11/2021: Still no bowel movement as of 9:30 AM. Took garbage out. Groceries arrived at 8:15 AM, and I had a long nightmarish trial getting them in, what with the uneven ground at the side of the house where they are installing a new septic tank. Must rest my incisions now.

“Still alive, but little thanks to my pharmacy, which took until late afternoon to fill my prescription for a glucometer and insulin after five or six phone calls to and from my doctors and nurses. Then we had to go back again in the worst of the storm to get needles for the insulin pens, which I guess they thought I didn't need. Then back a third time to get the right sticks for the glucometer. Now I'm medicined up and the blood sugar is headed the right way. The operation seems to have sent my diabetes out of whack. Thanks for all the prayers and good wishes, and especially for John and Susan for looking after me!” – from e-mail to John.

Up about 12 AM and felt awake so did the first cleaning and organization for a while. Now (hopefully) I won’t lay there with thoughts of cleaning run through my head.

 

5/12/2021: Up about 5:30 AM. Septic tank finally installed by 2:30 PM, but landscape still a mess. Besides struggling through the day, I made Malt-o-Meal for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and then chicken and broccoli for supper. Managed (with Kam’s help) to make supper of sausages and cabbage fry. Poor Andy had to clean it up. Kenny called this evening and talked a half hour. I injected my own insulin, and it went easily.

 

5/13/2021: It is a great irony that while something is now actually happening in my life, I feel no urge to record it. I live in a sort of weird ocean of time that passes very slowly, except for spikes that rise when I do things. This morning got an order from HEB and worked to reorganize my fridge. My first blood sugar reading in the morning was 200 before breakfast. Breakfast: Malt-o-Meal, lunch: tuna with crackers, supper: chicken with broccoli and carrots. Ryan came and got Jade [their Doberman]. The house and the yard are starting to look quite different. Kam a great help again. Second blood sugar 367. Cooked supper for Shanafelts; chicken with broccoli, rice, and mushrooms. Insulin at 8 PM. Washed dishes. Is a BM finally near?

 

5/14/2021: And so the world goes on and on. Blood sugar still high; about 260 at each reading. Made an omelet (4 eggs and cauliflower and broccoli) for breakfast. About 2 PM I tried shaving head and beard and dropped the shaver with my head half-way done. Called John and he was just on his way into town to get Joey a haircut. He came by to finish the job (and gave me a new razor) and Kam and Joey got to visit. Made supper (fish, taco noodles, squash); had fish and noodles myself. Insulin at 8 PM. Now 11:30 PM.

 

Notes

Now I am no longer on insulin injections. My glucose has been running about 130, thought it’s higher lately. Looking back, I’m not sure all my dietary choices were that great. I’m getting to the point where I feel I need to buzz my head again; maybe tomorrow. I was little surprised to learn that the gallbladder actually is greenish. 

2020 Diary: May 21 to May 28

5/21/20: Prayers, Bible, shower, turns at 7 AM. Called S[ocial] S[ecurity], and in the upshot figured out that although the account was frozen, I could go ahead past “Exit” and fill stuff out. Worked on that until 9:30 AM, when I stopped. I do not have good records or access to records to accurately fill in information they are requesting. I must rely “to the best of my knowledge” for so much. Having a TIA attack my brain hasn’t helped my memory. Had breakfast. Fiddled around then napped till 12:20 PM, when I had a sandwich for lunch. Now 1:20 PM. Now that I have to mess with the Gummint and paperwork I find my instances of thoughts of s**c*de are going up, from 0 for four years to 1 every hour. 

At 2 PM or so Kameron called me to help him work on his project of puzzle pieces, which he had entirely misunderstood and now needs to rework before the 27^th. I became so frustrated at his teacher’s vague instructions and his reluctance to ask for clarification I again felt I was going to have a stroke. Will I last until June 7^th? Do I care if I do anymore? Grassed the dogs, made supper (chili, rotini, corn on the cob), had a bowl of chili, then wasted half-an-hour tracking down a “wasp” in Kameron’s room that turned out to be a buzzing fly. With all this distraction I forgot about the Chesterton show on at 4:30 PM, and now must wait until 1:30 AM to see it. Set my clock. Went out at 6 PM for 3 turns. Rosary.

 

My leg muscles are getting to feel very tight and sore; whether this is progress or damage is a mysterious and moot point. I went in at 8 PM to clean up and had another bowl of chili and the last of the broccoli salad. Came back in without seeing Susan at all or telling her of my progress. Reading more The Innocents Abroad, which I forgot to mention and now shall call IA. Still no notes from John about the story. Almost 10 PM and I’m trying to calm myself down to sleep, but anxiety is just twanging my strings. I hate dealing with the Gummint; it seems so futile and makes me feel judged. Why can’t I ‘draw peacefully to the end of my life’? 

 

5/22/2020: Up at 1:25 AM and watched “The Golden Key: Part One” of Chesterton Station.  Then lay down and had a bunch of unrecalled dreams and got up at 6:55 AM. Dressed and went for 3 turns, during which I said my morning prayers and an act of contrition. Came in, finished prayers and Bible, then back to SS, which I finished about 8:10 AM. Felt somewhat relieved: the die is cast. Now if I get Kam’s homework finished, I can rest(?) without too much tension.

Had a few restful hours, then about noon Andy brought me the leftover broccoli and rice. I didn’t particularly want the starch, but I couldn’t waste it. About 12:30 PM went in and finished off the chicken salad, giving Kam a folded sandwich of it, and he told me he has to draw his “puzzle piece” himself, so I’m more or less off the hook. About 2 PM I started preparing the fried potatoes, when suddenly an e-mail popped up from SS asking me for some more documents. At almost the same time John called, so we talked a bit about things and AFYHM [A Friend You Haven’t Met]. Cooked taters and fish until almost exactly 4:30 PM and raced back to watch Chesterton Station part 2 and eat my fish. Rosary. Nap. Up at 7 PM for 3 turns. Throughout the day I watched House and read IA and worked on B[ook] I[nventory]. Going in soon to clean up. Must limit my consumption of potatoes.

Cleaned up, returned to my house, and soon after Kam came in to work. After a session guiding him that was like pulling teeth, we finally got it done. Now he only needs to color it (I’m not involved there, thank God). It’s now 9 PM.

 

5/23/2020: Woke up about 5:30 AM, with thoughts about how love ‘subdues the earth’, making pets more than animals, homes more than buildings, vocations more than jobs, and mates more than partners. Got dressed, prayers, Bible, read. At 7 AM did my turns, then came in, made a ramen, and took my medicine at 8 AM. Posted on POB [Power of Babel], all 98 pictures in my Newish File. Worked on BI. Took a sleep test and found out I was (what else?) a Bear, out of a possible Wolf, Bear, Dolphin, or Lion. Now almost 10 AM. Oh, how I wish I had one more quarter so I could play the lottery!

Went in at noon to get leftover chili and rotinis, a banana, and S&A came home just in time to give me the boiled eggs. The rest of the day finished The Innocents Abroad and jittered around doing almost nothing. 3 turns. Rosary. Andy mowing all day. St. James mass: they’re starting to cautiously open a bit this Sunday. Susan got pizza. Watched a smidgeon of Gargoyles on Svengoolie and caught up episodes of Duck Tales in their marathon. It’s now midnight.

 

5/24/2020: Up about 6:30 AM, prayers and Bible, then Mass on EWTN. At 8 AM did my 3 turns, and Rosary.  Pootled around a bit, then napped till noon, when I went in to get a ramen and an egg. More pootling, and now it’s past 3 PM. What I mean by pootling is trying to read, trying to watch some TV or YT, and never really settling down to anything with any satisfaction or absorption. Added fantasy art books to the BI.

About 5 PM Andy comes in and tells me that the chicken they bought last week (which I completely missed) was one day over the expiration date. I hurried in, determined it was still good, and began to make soup. They left for New Braunfels. Kelsey called me and we talked for about 40 minutes. She seems to be doing fine. I finished making the soup and took in a little potful for supper. A bit before 8 PM I did 3 turns; the day looks very windy and cloudy now, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it rained later. Been reading Life on the Mississippi [Kindle]. New Rick &Morty at 10:30 PM. It started to rain at midnight.

 

5/25/2020: Memorial Day. Up at 7 AM, after a bunch of dreams and a rainy night. Tried to go for my turns but it rained a bit, so I did a few little chores, then went at 7:30 AM and walked. Came in, transcribed a couple of dreams, Perry Mason. Contemplating moving the bins to check what’s where; a fraught chore.

But I did it, working until a little past noon, listening to GGACP [Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast]. Swept up around the bins, dusted them, and made a notation of where each bin is located and what it contains, so I needn’t be forgetfully curious. For instance, I’m now sure there are no more books in the bins. Land sakes, I’ve gotten rid of quite a few. Early on, when I started my wash at 9 AM, Andy gave me 4 bananas (breakfast). After 12, I got some chicken soup and a couple of slices of bread. Pootled much of the afternoon and went in at 2 PM to make salad, but Susan said that could wait until tomorrow. It looks like they’re sending out for supper; not quite sure if I’m included. Took my 3 turns early at 4:15 PM. The neighbor is mowing, and after the rain it made it smell like a river-bottom or an old camping trip.

Did more BI, getting to the end of a shelf, and at 7:30 went in for a ramen and a couple of rotten old sausage patties. They actually cooked up well together, with enough salt and pepper. The family had Whataburger. Reading LOTM [Life on the Mississippi]. Rosary at 10:30 PM. Grumbles of thunder and some rain. Turned on AC after having the windows open all day; should help sleep.

 

5/26/2020: Letter to John: I wore out a cane-tip on my morning revolutions; fortunately, I had one spare still in the wings. To my vast surprise I am continuing my walks, through rain and wind and weather, three turns, twice a day, in morning and evening. Perhaps I am hoping for some kind of attack to bear me away, but I fear I am only prolonging the struggle. I am working to cut my starches, completely in most cases, by half for now in others, and when I am done with this case of ramen, Susan shall buy no more. I find it disgustingly easy to cut out all soda, candy, and other sweets, because I have no money.

I am thinking about preparing a cake for June 7, however. Why that date, you ask? Because according to my calculations, Yogi, that will be the day I reach Mom's exact age if I am spared so long. I have no idea why this is such an obsession with me, or why I think it needs to be marked. Probably just another way to make things all about me. Any time longer will seem to be an undeserved gift to my crookedly eccentric mind.

I continue with my Book Inventory and have put a new batch on Finder's Keep. Each short entry contains facts and personal memories attached to the books, so it's almost like a memoir. I have run into a little complication. I have that old, coverless copy of The Groucho Letters. The complication is a few months ago I got a new copy at the library store for $1, so now the old warhorse is superfluous. It has no resale value, and the logical, merciless thing to do would be tossing it into the recycle bin. But you know me, a sentimental old fluff. I was wondering if you could take it back, maybe for one last read, then toss it yourself. It would be the equivalent to sending the old dog to the farm and imagining it's leading a good life, while letting someone else do the dirty work.

I have continued my Mark Twain jag and am now reading Life on the Mississippi. I think he is better at travelogue than at most of his fiction.

My daily schedule: Turns, prayers, Bible, rosary, shower, boiled eggs and made chicken salad, made ramen with chicken soup, eggs, and bread (I know, I went way overboard), Book Inventory (finished the TV box shelves), made cucumber salad at 2 PM, more soup at lunch (mit verboten Brodt), made supper (fish patties and couscous), turns at 7 PM, then wrote John e-mail. Susan brought me the SS forms at lunch.

Spent much of the evening working on BI, and only stopped at 11:30 PM. I am now well in the zone. Set up the Sayers paperbacks in the right order for the morrow. Not feeling a bit sleepy but must let it go.

 

5/27/2020: At 2 AM looked and saw this from John: “I remember that Groucho book had some good laughs in it; I'd be glad to let it live out its days in my paperback archive. I'm glad you're keeping up with your walking and sticking to your dietary routine.  I was doing pretty good on my exercise schedule until Sunday when my right knee suddenly felt like it had lost its last drop of cartilage. I think it was a combination of the peddling and the rainstorms- those pressure changes really do play hell with the old hinges. It wasn't too bad today, so I will get back on the bike on Wednesday if I can and proceed with caution.  Amy told me you got another few bucks from Kris Jerome- congratulations! There are still sales being made! We'll get the cash to you. Have you ever gotten into Pinterest? I finally did the other day, and I must say I have burned up quite a few hours already looking through all its wonders- amazing amount of great stuff on just about any subject you can imagine.  The image harvesting of old toys, books, etc. would be a bonanza for you, I think. I watched about half of Ben's Sunday Special with Orson Scott Card the other day and found it interesting, have you checked that out yet? I need to finish it still, but I was a little surprised that it was as good as it was.  I agree largely about Twain's travel writing- he's at his sardonically observant best when merely laying out his adventures- no narrative machinations to detect- although he is wonderful in his fiction as well. I've been reading some pretty grim books about WWI, and somehow it cheers me up to see how truly f*cked some earlier generations were, and somehow good things were still possible in the Apocalyptic wake of true calamity. Lots of bad, too, of course, but also truly good stuff. And that gives me some hope.”

Up a few minutes before 7 AM, tumbled out sleepily for my turns. Air very fresh and cool and skies clear; I think those rumblings of thunder last night must have been a front rolling in. Said my prayers as I walked, then came in and read Bible. At 7:30 AM ready to start BI again.

And so the day rolled on, with working on the BI, worrying about SS, scraping together a lunch (Kam had bacon and eggs at 11 AM for his last day of school lunch ‘together’ – over the computer), and making sausage, cabbage, and taters for supper. Finished LOTM (except for the appendixes). Only turned on the AC at bedtime and heard plenty of thunder after 10 PM.

 

5/28/2020: Up about 6:30 AM with a weary groan, prayers and Bible, got dressed, cleaned kitchen, and went out for turns a little before 7 AM. Morning clear and cool with a sort of scrubbed feel. Ready to start BI again, with some John Gardner next. Joey’s 20^th Birthday today.

Worked on BI most of the day. Breakfast of ramen, eggs, and bread, Lunch of ramen and bread, Supper of chili, bread, and cucumber salad (with corn on the cob and rotini for S&A). Lots of striped lizards and “kamoleons” [as Uncle Monroe called them] (anoles) running around today. Cloudy again around 5 PM. The Book Inventory is becoming quite a dive into nostalgia as I handle volumes and recall experiences over the years. It’s getting compulsive. Finished top shelf of paperbacks under the left-hand side of the shelves supporting the computer. Rosary a little after 10 PM.

Notes

As one can tell I was feeling a lot of anxiety and thus a lot of self-pity at the time. Such dramatics. What with my SSI application, Kameron finishing high school, and covid going on, I might be forgiven some theatrics.

There are four whole seasons of Chesterton Station now, and though I have enjoyed the episodes I’ve been able to catch, and there are only six episodes per season, I’m sad to say I haven’t even caught half of what’s there. I blame EWTN’s irregular scheduling.

I’m kind of surprised to note that I began the Book Inventory on our family blog Finder's Keep first, before I created Niche of Time and continued it there. A fact that had been lost to me in the mists of time; just shows how useful a Diary is to an absent-minded fellow like me.

That illustration for The Innocents Abroad is from an old show on Masterpiece Theatre in 1982; I saw it on Showtime a few years later. Very characteristic in ambience and the peculiar historical style at the time, that is, the style in which they presented historical matter. You can compare the Peter Ustinov Death on the Nile (1978) with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bDmQFOjCcA

Innocents Abroad (1982)

 

May Haps: 2020 Diary

5/8/2020: Up about 12:30 AM from a dystopian dream of waiting in line for a quick check-up at a government installation. Rough people, cheap chairs, faulty protocols, and things just getting worse because everybody was smoking and jumping line. I felt I didn’t belong there and that every moment was putting me in more danger. Couldn’t sleep, so up and caught up diary. Read a little in Twain’s Letters [on Kindle], cut off AC, went to bed at 3 AM.

Up at 6 AM from dreams of cutting pizza crust, training a new cutter, and Joe Spross’s warily judgmental looks. It seems that junk will never clear my system or is it symbolic of something, maybe anxiety about things that need to get done? Prayers and Bible. 

The day passed as most Fridays do, with ramen, ramen, and fish and fried taters. In the evening helped Kam get through his homework that’s been piling up for two weeks. Rosary, and reading Mark Twain’s letters.

 

5/9/2020: Up about 7 AM, wrote down dream. Prayers and Bible. A cool start to the day, especially as I had left the window and door open at night. About 10 AM Andy brought in the weekend leftovers. I managed to finish off the broccoli salad as I watched a show about Carrie Fisher and made some ramen with the boiled eggs and sour cream, but I could not face the insipid chicken salad (with bread it might have been tolerable) so I shamefacedly flushed it down the toilet. Saw a half-hour “interview” with GKC on Facebook (which chimes in rather well with my book inventory endeavors). Ate the bananas. Reading more MT letters. About 3:30 PM I notice that Kaitlyn’s dogs are here, so they must be visiting. At 4 PM joined the St. James Mass on YT. Went through the evening with saying the Rosary, reading MT letters, checking TV, and never seeing Kaitlyn or Ryan.

 

5/10/2020: Up pretty early from a dream, “The Minstrel Boy”. Very Terry Pratchett, which is odd because I’ve hardly touched the books in months. At 7 AM I joined the EWTN televised Mass. Afterwards made breakfast of ramen, saw the great “Dr. Sinister” episode of The Flintstones, and read more Twain. I guessed within a minute of posting on Facebook the famous figure that both Chesterton and Lewis knew: Yeats. It’s now almost 2 PM, and I’m ready to make my last ramen for lunch. Rosary at 5 PM. Went in about 5:30 PM to make the boiled eggs and chicken salad for tomorrow, and they told me I had just missed KT&RT. I grunted noncommittally; I figure if they REALLY wanted to see me, they would have poked their heads in. Otherwise, I wouldn’t intrude on their Mother’s Day time. S&A gave me a check and a face mask for tomorrow; it’s not a very good mask (doesn’t cover the chin, looks rather thin). Only just better than nothing. At 7 PM went in and got some ramen for supper. Once more depressed by the decay of what I once enjoyed: The Simpsons, Star Trek, Star Wars, Woody Allen, Cracked (which I removed from my FB feed). On the other hand, I feel rather wild and free – “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” – not that I want to die, but there’s less I’d regret leaving. Even Blaylock and Powers are slowing down, Gaiman is growing insufferable (maybe some suffering – his split with Amanda Palmer – will help). New Rick and Morty tonight, which I can only say has jumped the shark, pushing subtle birth control propaganda and going out of its way to present feminism positively in the person of Summer. Which I do not mind (it has some good points – or does it? – well yes, relatively speaking) except that it kind of contradicts the general philosophy of nihilism of the show, kowtowing to a powerful sector of the viewing audience, burning a pinch of incense on its altar.

 

5/11/2020: Had a hard time getting to sleep last night, as my usual anxiety about seeing the doctor is multiplied by the COVID-19 fears. Got up about 6 AM, prayed, showered, prayed, got dressed, ran over what I might need today, and now it’s almost 7 AM. Prayed, read Bible. I’m thinking about going ahead and saying a rosary now.

Went out to porch and about 8 AM John pulls up. Get in and we’re off to the Clinic. Wait in car, fill out forms, go in, hand sanitizing all the way. Have a talk with Dan, and he sends me over to the hospital for bloodwork and urine samples. He gets me a good mask. John and I go over there and I go through all the protocols, and then we go to Walmart. He’s buying a little vacuum cleaner. But he also gets me: a toilet seat, tea, sweetener, Ritz crackers, and candy. We come home, and Andy has caught another raccoon. Make ramen for lunch and do my wash. Take a short nap. At 3 PM make cucumber salad, then grass dogs, then make supper. Rosary. Come in at 7:30 PM to clean up and get my supper, then Kam has me help with homework, then I make him supper, then I catch up diary. It’s a little after 9 PM and I’m ready for bed. Mark Twain Letters.

 

5/12/2020: Up at 7 AM. Prayed, got dressed, and Bible. Straightened up, wrote dream, looked round for something to watch. Kind of had half-an-eye on Perry Mason. Finish with the Ignatius Chesterton books in the Book Inventory [BI, from now on]. Then started listening to GGACP, which had Mario Cantone on as a guest, who is probably the only other person who remembers Ma Cass’s song “Different”. Made a jug of tea. Went in at 9 AM and made Kam some biscuits; they had popped open, so that was what was for breakfast. Made myself two folded PB&J, then a ramen with egg and Ritz crackers. Reading MT letters still. Went in at 1:30 PM, grassed dogs, then made ramen and bread. Wrote John an e-mail, thanking him, not talking about me a whole lot, and trying to be as upbeat as possible:

“Just wanted to take a bit of time to thank you again for everything you did for me yesterday.  Not only for getting my health chores taken care of, but also for the comforts supplied afterwards. I don't know how I would have taken this rainy day without a nice jug of tea - or rather I know only too well how it would be, and shudder at the thought. I hope you already have a start on your writing project. I don't think you need to do a lot of note-making at first; maybe start with a strong character doing something you find interesting or know something about. Maybe the guy finds a book he's been wanting to read in some ruins. You and I both know the joy of scavenging a good book. Then something happens. You can world-build as action builds and spreads. We also know the feelings of living in a post-world world. Hah! Make it "The Two Towers", then he'll be in the same boat as I was for a while there [when I was first reading The Lord of the Rings]. I imagine by the time before the disaster that physical books were getting fewer, and with the collapse of the network e-books are gone. To have a beastie attack him just as he finds it makes him mad. Write it as a short story first and see if the book will follow through the doorway. You can see that though I didn't say much at the time we talked about it, I have been thinking about it.

“Thank you again. Give the story a shot, a trial balloon as it were. You should be able to have a rough draft in 2 or 3 days. A first step, easily achievable, a little practice, as it were. I know you can do it, and I want to see it soon.”

The pharmacy called. They had filled that medicine from yesterday; I forgot to pick up that Good RX card they had promised. I’m not going to worry about it. I haven’t taken meds for 5 years; a few weeks won’t kill me, or I don’t really care if it does. Went in at 3:30 PM to peel potatoes, and that was good because the rain really started coming down again after I was in (it had been raining on and off all day), then pretty much stopped after I finished cooking supper, so the timing worked out well for once. Sausage, cabbage, and taters. Read a little bit of “The Hobbit” out loud to amuse myself while cooking. Grassed and fed Chihuahuas. Sprinkled watching the DW shows through the day but passed up House and The Flintstones today. Rosary about 5:30 PM. Analyzing Mark Twain’s clever stupidity and amateurish philosophy while reading his personal letters is a fascinating occupation; he’s such a combination of pride in his own judgement and blindness to his own contradictions and false humility about his person (he’s so vain about his humility) that he’s a fascinating human tangle that somehow adds up to being lovable, a sort of epitome of a man groping around, like a blind puppy trying to get out of a cardboard box. I get the feeling that a long river trip with G. K. Chesterton might have straightened him out, if Twain could have ever let his hardened prejudices get out of the way of his thinking.

Went in at 8 PM to wash up, but A wasn’t home yet. Finished watching Hellsing Abridged. Went in again at 9:20 PM and washed up. Then out and puttered away on YT and playing WWF until 11:30 PM. Now probably more MT letters until I drop off.

 

5/13/2020: Up at 5 AM, spent time ordering free Kindle books, playing WWF, and writing an entry in BI about The Peanuts Collection, which I then sent to John in e-mail. At 6:30 got dressed, opened the house (cool, but looks to be clear after the rain yesterday – some flooding in the surrounding areas), then prayers, Bible, and rosary. Washed dishes and took aspirin. Now 7:20 AM.

At 9 AM made Kam’s bacon and eggs, then made my ramen with bread and the bacon grease. For lunch had leftover cabbage and potatoes. In the nonce I finished off the letters and started “Roughing It”, cataloged the Peanuts Collection, watched the DW shows, and e-mailed John:  A droll coincidence: I am near the end of the Mark Twain letters and I noted that the editor of them (who had known and worked with him in his last years) also had a three-volume biography. Going to Amazon, I found the parts of Vol. I and III available - but not Vol. II! The same situation I suggested to you for a beginning [of a short story, perhaps a book]. It looks like Fate!

Not long after I messaged Kenny and he replied: “I have been working like a madman trying to get the house ready. We are getting a reverse mortgage which would mean we basically don’t have to pay the mortgage any more until both of us are dead. I’ve been fixing up the house to appraise better.”

I hope that works out for them. I got one page written today, so I’m slouching toward Bethlehem again. I have one damn march [until the end of the story] but I’m afraid Kassie [a figure in A Friend You Haven’t met – a girl figure] stands in my way at the moment. Where DID she come from?

Made supper: chicken breasts, and rice and broccoli. Cleaned up at 8 PM, then came in, turned on the AC, and stripped for bed. As I write this it’s almost 9 PM and I realize I didn’t ask Kam about his supper. Oh, well. He always has chips. I think I’ll see if I can sleep a while, then try to write whenever I wake up. Today got HUNDREDS of points on WWF, and it’s only Wednesday. I wonder if these two players who are always ready are robots.

 

5/14/2020: Woke up with the feeling like it was the last day on earth. Something about heavy rain in the 5 o’clock dark will do that. Prayers and Bible, and some actual work on AFYHM, where I at least introduced Kassie. Showered, had a ramen, read some Roughing It. As time crawls toward 9 AM, I try to make it count.

Made my ramen. About noon I got a call from Dan Thull. I e-mailed John: I woke up this morning about 5 AM and finally felt able to go on a bit with my story, after the doctor's appointment had sucked me dry of my meager supply of will power and spirit. About noon Dan called me and told me the results of my tests: blood sugar way too high of course. He advises me to go on the medications he's ordered for me at HEB and remove all starches and sugars from my diet and see how that goes for me in the next six months. They tell me that with Good RX the cost should only be $30 or so. So, I must give up ramen (which is my main staple of subsistence) and take up more proteins (such as eggs - the cheap alternative). I'm sure Susan will adapt and provide (she's at heart a good soul, a great soul); but I'm also sure she will give me maternal grief about it before she does. It is why her children both love and fear her. I would almost rather be allowed to crumble into dust than face that - almost. I suppose I deserve it, anyway. I've known for years my own shortcomings but never trimmed my sails accordingly. But perhaps now I can take it up as a spiritual exercise as well, a penance as it were; that could give it an added dimension and extra motivation. Anyway, it is my firm intention and resolve to have the first draft of the story finished by Saturday evening at the latest. This is not a rash estimate but a completely rational goal. If I do not achieve it, it will be my own fault.

Made my WWF goal today. For supper made corn on the cob, chili, squash, and rotini noodles for supper. I polished off the cucumber salad and a bowl of chili.

Worked on a proposed schedule for the weekdays, with walking and writing being the main new emphasis. Watched the 1967 Mark Twain Tonight, with Hal Holbrook; saw the bookends of Roughing It with James Garner as MT; watched Mark Twain and Me with Jason Robards in the role; and took a peek at Frederic March in the trailer for The Adventures of Mark Twain. Also dabs of that Claymation movie. When I turned on my music program to listen, found the songs had vanished again, or rather they were inaccessible and showed they lasted 0 seconds. Well, maybe they’ll come back, wagging their tails behind them. They have before. If not, I’ll have another project to restore them. Read quite a bit of Roughing It at bedtime. Shut down close to midnight, AC on and ceiling fan off.

 

Notes

Well, well, the first notes in the swelling symphony that has become my daily medication routine. It has taken me almost five years to seriously buckle down to that proposed diet as well. Once I got on SSI the cost of medication went down drastically for me, so that was good. Thankfully I didn’t have to lean on Susan any further in that department much longer.

Quite a time for Mark Twain, I see. I do tend to get on these streaks where I immerse myself in one subject or author and try to investigate, almost ‘triangulate’ an outline or opinion of it. As well as just indulge an interest or enthusiasm for it.

Still just starting on my ‘Book Inventory’ at the time. The missing music eventually turned up again, as mysteriously as it had vanished. Why, I still have no idea. Now, not only do I not play Words With Friends anymore, but I have left Facebook altogether.

Altogether, the times were a vector of change that shaped my subsequent five years.

Diary 2020: May - The Beginning

5/1/2020: May Day, and the consecration of the nation to Mary. Up about 5 AM, prayers, Bible (a long reading, to the end of Revelation – about 6 or 7 chapters). Shower, open windows, cool morning. “The Night of the Iguana” is on; watched the first 20 minutes or so. Caught up diary. Contemplating another ‘march’ of writing. In between writing this morning I took some stuff to the bins, and the day was so sunny and clear and yet so cool and green, I was filled with joy and contentment. Wrote some more. Perry Mason (in color!) on right now.

And so the day wore on. Ramen for lunch. Wrote a little more. At supper I fried potatoes and made fish and waited on the kitchen porch for Susan to get home, which today of course took a long time (she went to the bank). Prayed Rosary while waiting. When she got here we decided what vegetable to make (Asian medley), then I went in [and waited] for Andy to get back so we could all eat together. We did, at about 6:40 PM. I went in again at about 9 PM to wash up. Read more Twain, then went to bed.

5/2/2020: Up about 5 AM and found that John had e-mailed me at about 2:30AM last night:

John: I can't decide if this [A Friend You Haven’t Met] is the craziest thing you've ever written or the most brilliant.  I do know that it is very fun and I'm damned interested in seeing where it's going, so I guess that tilts me towards the latter, I guess! Wild stuff! Keep it coming!

Went back to bed after writing a few notes about St. Helwig and a new character. Slept till almost 11 AM, mostly because I’m not sure about meals today. Got up, prayers, Bible (starting at Genesis again).

Did very close to nothing today, mostly because of having no food. Read Mark Twain. At 4 PM went to garage [refrigerator] and got some of those blah sausage patties and a jug of water. Boiled the patties, then used the sausage water to make rice. Sent John this e-mail:

I've been hag-ridden for a couple of weeks by the idea of embarking on making another book catalog. The last time I did this was actually ten years or so ago, and with acquisitions and sell-offs my actual book-hoard has changed, and to make a current and accurate assessment appeals to my mild OCD. 

There are several horrifying aspects to such as task that are both appealing and appalling. One is the necessity of disturbing my shelves; that would both clean things (appealing) and be physically exhausting (appalling).

And then I don't want to make it just a list. I want to write a short article on each book: approximately when I got it, why I got it, whether I ever actually read it and how deeply, my opinion, and then rate it as whether it is key or might be dispensed with in a pinch. Again, appealing and appalling. And then come up with a system to organize them in the catalog.

I could do it a book or two a day, or a series if they can be grouped. Eventually (what can it possibly be, probably not even 2000 days), I'll inevitably get to the end. It will give me another project, doable, to give structure to my days and fill time when I'm not creative.

Two things stand out against it. One, my naturally sluggish nature, and two, the logical feeling that it's a pointless endeavor.

Two things stand out for it. One, it's something I want to do, and two, it would amount to an aspect of my obsessive biographical analysis.

I can imagine you reading this, shrugging, and wondering what this has to do with you? If I want to do it, I will, and whether I do or not will have very little effect on your own concerns. Forgive me. I am basically airing out the idea, trying to make up my own mind, and running it by you, because I always respect your opinions and know you understand me better than anyone else.

I hope your own projects (in these trying times) are off to a good start.

 

And then sure enough I started doing it, with the Wildlife Encyclopedias as an example. 

Watched some Frank Herbert interviews on YT (meh). I was so bored I started to watch “Singin’ In the Rain”. Started to watch “Frankenstein” on Svengoolie, and that didn’t hold my interest.

About 9 PM I remembered to watch church services on YT, then at 9 PM said my daily rosary. Washed dishes. Never had the door or windows open all day, never saw a living person, never heard from anybody about anything. Is there anybody there? Does anybody care?

 

5/3/2020: Up about 6:10 AM, and the first thing I see is a notification that John has written back. His e-mail:

 I like the idea. I think that there is great value in taking each book and thinking about them - not just the personal value, but the intellectual value- as you can sift through the stories, memories, takeaways, relations to other books or movies, etc. I know I tend to look at a shelf of books as a collection of "relatives" - my animation books, my civil war books, etc., and then occasionally pull one out for Inspection and remember the time of our "affair "- when it was my read, and we were locked in that dream together for that duration.  Cataloging and reflecting on them kind of gives them the individual dignity they deserve and will probably bring back many personal moments in time, too. Especially the ones with chili noodle stains!

Prayers and Bible, then partook in the EWTN Mass. Then did revolutions in the front yard, while praying the Rosary. Now about 8:40 AM.

Wrote more Book Inventory (World Book stuff, mostly, and other sets). There is a Witchiepoo Funko Pop. New Rick and Morty tonight, after a marathon of the season so far. It’s almost 4 PM and I haven’t eaten anything, but I think they’re shopping now, so should bring me chicken salad, boiled eggs, and bananas in a while.

And so there were – not to mention grapes (very nice), grapefruit, and boxes of ramen. Made even more entries for the Inventory of Books (IB from now on), mostly multi-volume sets. Watched the not-very-good animation shows, then the marathon of Rick and Morty leading up to the new episode, which, to be honest, I didn’t find all that compelling on first viewing. Plus, all the commercials seemed aimed at stoners wanting fast food. The Simpsons (Warrin’ Priest Part Two) and parts of R&M betray the fact that where these writers think they know so much about religion, they actually understand very little at all. Now almost 11:20 PM. I’m still vacillating over walking to TX Cooler and getting lottery ticket; it’s gone up again! Kris Jerome replied to my e-mail of Wednesday April 29:

I often weave what I can remember of old “false-starts” into my current world, actually. The prologue to Wrath of the Fallen existed in my head and various other forms for about 5 or more years before I wrote the novel.

5/4/2020: Up about 7:30, a reluctant Monday morning, already warm outside. Prayers, Bible. Perry Mason (boring), so took a shower and got dressed. No lottery for me today, but I have until Wednesday to act.

At 9 AM started the wash, peeled Kam an apple, boiled eggs, and made chicken salad. What that salad really needs is tomato. Came in and started making my ramen. “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir” on right now; very good movie. I wouldn’t mind having a copy. [Don’t have one even now.]

"When you have regular business to attend to, your distractions are a pleasure. If your regular business goes away, suddenly your distractions become your business. Then you find you need a distraction from your regular distractions, which have somehow become your business, and are suddenly heavy duties." -Some Old Fart.

At lunch Andy brought me out some old bean, bacon and cheese tacos (with salsa verde). A little after 12 I set up the extension cord and I started the AC for the first time this year; it was already pretty hot outside. The batteries in the remote are dead; I need to get two AAA.

For some reason I was angry and bitter all day. I can’t really figure out why except I am bored and maybe caught it from being annoyed at the juvenile philosophy of the elderly Mark Twain that made him so miserable in his later years. A C. S. Lewis or a G.K.C. could have set him right, or even a George MacDonald, but he was set in the American mold where even the brand of religion he rebelled against had to be his own home-grown scalawags, and that they were what religion had to be. Anything else was high-falutin’ jibber-jabber; if he couldn’t comprehend delicate distinctions, it must be hogwash. Also. I’m probably finally getting restless under lockdown, and feeling my mortality with my ever more numbing right leg. It made me short with Kameron, who kept coming at me with a growing load of homework I need to ‘help’ him with.

For supper made broccoli salad, fish rings, and toasted pine-nut couscous. Rosary at 6 PM. All the usual Monday things apply. The only new amusement I have is watching “Dragonball Abridged” on YT, a hilarious parody. Bed about 11 PM, AC ginning along with that old smell they have of summers past after a winter of rest.

 

5/5/2020: Up about 5:40 AM. Prayers and Bible. Caught up Diary. Realized why I had done no writing yesterday; with the introduction of Cassie the cast is complete, and the story unreels itself to the end. That should be a reason to finish, though. It’s just that in a strange way, the story is ‘done’. I pledge that by Friday it’ll be over with, one way or another.

So the day went on. Helped Kam do his homework, which was a pain ( it was about comparative shopping), but I was feeling better when it was over with, so that’s good. Watched more Dragonball Abridged, to the end of the Cell Saga, so that’s a good place to leave it.

But instead I went back to the beginning and watched from there. At 3 PM grassed the dogs and started supper. It was a little windy and overcast and looked like it might rain. Made sausage and fried cabbage and taters. Ate and watched more DB Abridged. Went in at 7:05 PM, after they went for a walk, and washed up.

Andy asked me to sew his shirt at 8 PM, so I went in, did that, and made Kam his supper. While there I asked Susan her opinion of the risk if I went for a walk, and she thought it was low. So now I’ve touched that base. More DBA, then bed about 11 PM.

 

5/6/2020: Up about 6:15 AM, took aspirin, prayed, Bible. Decided that yes, I’m going to TX Cooler today, and get that bee out of my bonnet. Dressed, wrapped the Ace bandage around my mouth and nose, put my dollar in the shirt pocket, and off I went. Was halfway down the driveway when I realized I forgot the wipes I had secured, but there was no turning back.

In town they had finished installing those new walk signals. The beeping they make is pretty annoying. There were no people walking and few cars, which really isn’t that unusual for 7 AM in the morning. I walked briskly over to the TX Cooler, exchanged my dollar remotely for a TX Lotto, and walked briskly away. The only contact was my little finger to open the door on the way in; on the way out, I pushed it with my cane tip. Home again and back by 7:45 AM. Washed hands thoroughly and wiped down the cane handles. It was kind of normalizing to see the world again, even at such a barren hour.

I used to wonder, while reading H. G. Wells’ The Time Machine, if the human race could really be divided into careless, sunshine-loving idiots and cave-dwelling technophiles, but I’m beginning to see it.

Said Rosary. Had ramen for breakfast. Then a sandwich for lunch. Didn’t have to cook for Kam until about 2 PM, when I made him bacon and eggs. At 3 PM I started supper by boiling the rice (using less as per instruction) and getting out the chicken breasts to thaw in the microwave. There was no broccoli, so I used Asian medley. Put it all in the oven a little before 4 PM and around 5 PM it was done. Ate supper. Wrote a tidge [i.e., a smidgeon, a tad] on AFYHM, then caught up diary. I’m out of DBA now. Still reading Mark Twain.

 

5/7/2020: Up about 7 AM with Stan Lee and the Giant Snake dream. Prayers, Bible, shower. A nice cool morning. Didn’t win the lottery, but at least it’s out of my head for a while. New name for a bookstore: The Fiddling Cricket.

The day went: Ramen with egg and bread, ramen with bread, broccoli salad, chili with bread, finished WWF [Words With Friends], Mark Twain, grassing dogs, making Kameron taquitos and toast, rosary, DW shows, some House, book inventory, Rick and Morty, blah blah blah and so on. Wrote John an e-mail and got one back. Here:

Me: I went on a little trip of my own. Early Wednesday morning at about 7 AM I ventured out for a walk, the first time I've been off the property for nearly two months. I was swathed up with my Ace bandage over my mouth like the Invisible Man. I used a handi-wipe to open the door and went into Texas Cooler and used my last leftover dollar to purchase a TX Lotto ticket, which eventually turned out to be a complete dud. I passed no-one on the streets, touched nothing, and the store clerk was behind a new plexiglass shield. I washed my hands with another wipe after accepting the new-minted ticket with the tips of two fingers. It was a nice walk and showed me the world was still there.

 

You might well ask me why I would take a risk on such a frivolous endeavor. It was completely in self-defense, however. You might remember how Gandalf tells Denethor, "You are strong, and can still in some matters govern yourself,  yet ...  were [the Ring] buried beneath the roots of Mindolluin, still it would burn your mind away." That otherwise useless dollar and the astronomical chance it represented rose up like a ghost in front of anything I wanted to do and engendered vague dreams of power. Now it is gone, I'm reduced to absolute zero, and I'm sane again, and can focus on realities. So you see, Gollum just had to go.

 

I wonder if you get a chance, you could check and see if Kenny's reading of AGODP brought in any extra revenue; not so much as to supply me money right away as to see if there was any interest or new sales at all. Writing about this reminds me that it will soon be time for my visit to the doctor - how long ago setting that up seems! - and then will start my humble begging to the gummint for some monthly dole - no doubt even more unlikely "in times like these."

He: You never know! I am officially going on the Covid19 enhanced dole myself; tonight is my last regular shift, and then begins TWO MONTHS of paid furlough - no work -very decent weekly benefits, basically a free ride, staying employed, and giving the company a breather, hoping that the world will start spinning again,  at least back to somewhat decent levels to allow me to resume earning my daily bread. It is both terrifying, (if things don't pick up and I get the chop), and mind blowing - I haven't had a period of being out from under the yoke like this since I was 15! A man can do something in a span of time like that- God has granted that I get it, I must make it worth something bigger, if I can, to honor His blessing- I was in knots since the end of last week with worry and uncertainty - and everything finally came in to place yesterday evening.  Amazing! The road trip was just an afternoon jaunt on Sunday that Amy and I took to peek out into the wider world again.  I will certainly call you for full discuss and critique sessions - I can finally breathe again!

Perhaps now that his stuff is settled for a while he could pass me a few shekels (I could use them) but we’ll see come the doctor visit. Bed and AC about 10 PM.

Notes

So, early days of Covid, starting this blog, and getting SSI cranked up – the beginning of my New Style period of life, basically. Weird to think how things were ruled by such uncertainty at the time. Characters with prominent noses are not really designed for Funko Pop status.

May, 1981

[Seguin High School at a slightly later date, but still recognizable.]

MAY 22: Practiced for commencement. Exams.

MAY 23: Mowed at Nanny's.

MAY 24: Went to Baccalaurete.

MAY 25: Took last exams. Gave Fleming story.

MAY 26: Stayed home and lazed. A timeless day.

MAY 27: John's first day off [of school]. Worked on garage.

MAY 28: Just worked. A hard, rotten day.

MAY 29: Got report card. Got "Spell of Conan," "Gulliver's Travels," "Complete Works of Shakespeare," "The Illustrated Sherlock Holmes Treasury." Graduated.

MAY 30: Went to the coast with Mike, John, and Phil. Swam, ate Snickers, listened to music [Beatles], ate at Mrs. Pete's, got souvenirs.

MAY 31: Sunday. Went to work 6 PM-10 PM. A pretty good day.

When I say I graduated, I mean I went to commencement. There was no prom for me, a rather solitary and gloomy teen. I celebrated by feeding my pretensions, with the fancy display editions of Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes subjects I later grew into to a much deeper degree. 

Mowing the enormous lawn at Nanny's (I don't know the exact acreage) was a constant task in those days, usually preceded by a back-breaking clean-up of fallen branches, and the pittance we were paid hardly justified the labor. "But she's family! At least she pays you something!" But she also took it out in psychological nastiness that, if 'family loyalty' were to be figured into the deal, shouldn't have been there.

Our visit to the coast was the only celebration of graduation I had. Phil, although of my year, was Mike's best friend. I remember we listened to the Beatles (a huge obsession with Mike, John, and Phil) mainly because some passing tools mocked us by chanting "I wanna hold your hand!" We answered, in chorus, "We wanna kick your ass!" Mrs. Pete's was a beach tradition. Good times, good times.