Goodbye To The Shadow Library, For Now

 

Well, that is the end of The Shadow Library, for now. As this entire exercise has shown me, I will probably remember more books that I once owned from time to time, and I will know then to report them by name and not just by cover, so they will be searchable. Altogether I think I found at least thirty previously unrecorded titles.

          The Shadow Library is, of course, limited by the term ‘that I once owned’. If I wanted to have a list of every book I ever read, that would verge on the impossible. Not only are there books I have completely forgotten (say, from grade school) that left no conscious impression on me, but there are books that I do remember but don’t know the author or title. To reproduce that list would be impossible and would need the examination of real-life libraries that have since passed into the shadows themselves.

Of those forgotten books, who can say what sort of smudgy fingerprint they left on my mind that even today works itself out on my thoughts and attitudes? And what of college textbooks, and Watchtower propaganda, or books shared within the family, and books borrowed from friends and relations? There must be some limitations drawn.

Why does the quest for The Shadow Library fascinate me so? Part of it, of course, is that it is an effort of self-examination, trying to understand and analyze my life, looking at what I left behind and why. Part of it is lingering over regrets and a useless loitering in the past. But mostly, I think, it is a declaration and even celebration of myself to myself. To me I remain, strangely enough, one of the most mysterious and intriguing objects in the universe.